Don’t let an emoji wreck your life

My best friend and fellow blogger, Leanna, and I, like to make nicknames for all the men and/or fuckboys we have encountered in our lives. It’s a lot easier to remember than actual names and much more fun. I imagine that this is something a lot of women, or even men, do.

I wonder what nicknames I’ve been given…hmmm?!?!

Anywho

One of the nicknames that have been given out is “don’t let an emoji wreck your life guy”.

Don’t lie. You know that’s funny.

So long story short, this guy used to always send random emojis. Like, had I really wanted to, we would have probably only had conversations via emoji. And that shits not cool.

The annoying part was that we would occasional talk, Nothing would come of it, No shot was ever taken if you wanna put it that way (shameless plug for my previous post) and so I would usually move on to some other guy. He ends up being a fuck boy. Don’t let an emoji wreck your life guy shows back up. Pointless talking. Cycle continues.

How he got his nickname though was that he always popped up with an emoji. And all conversation included emojis. And it was fucking annoying.

Why?!?

Just say what you mean! I get the point of emojis. I do. But don’t have them be your most used form of communication and definitely don’t use them instead of shooting your shot! 🏀⛹🏽‍♀️⛹🏾‍♂️

Rule of emoji thumb 👍🏽: Emojis should accentuate your messages, thoughts and words not replace them!

You want to know why?

Because emojis require a lot of interpretation. And we might not translate them the same way. And we are already losing some important parts of the art of communication because we are texting or snap chatting so to then throw in a bunch of random, vague emojis you are just inviting me to be confused and ignore you.

And

So here is a list of the emojis I find most annoying and why.

👀 👀 👀 : first of all, screw you and your lookin eyes! Why? Why must you send me five sets of looking eyeballs. These are always sent when you have not said anything to a fuck boy for a while and instead of saying “hey. How are you. I miss talking to you. Want to hang out? Hope everything is okay.” They send you these stalker eyes like “hey I’m watching you why are you ignoring me I’m an awesome guy and you don’t realize that so I’m going to call you a bitch in two minutes when you don’t respond how I want.”

🤷🏾‍♂️: this to me is the international symbol for “I’m not pressed.” And if you don’t know how much I hate that phrase, go read my other blog conveniently titled “you should be pressed.” So at first glance it looks like a harmless guy who is just confused or genuinely doesn’t know something. Like if I said “hey what’s the capital of Kazakhstan” you could write back 🤷🏾‍♂️ and I wouldn’t care. But that’s not what happens. This guy gets sent when someone’s butt hurt but they don’t want to show it. Or it’s a passive aggressive like “I just said some ignorant shit and I’m going to put this guy here to ease the tension but also solidify my status as a fuckboy 🤷🏾‍♂️.” And when that happens you can promptly watch me metaphorically shrug my shoulders as I walk away.

🚶🏾‍♂️: honestly I think I only got this guy from don’t let an emoji wreck your life guy so I feel he deserves to be on the list. This is the most passive aggressive sad walk away guy ever. This is sent as a like “oh no. I tried to shoot my shot but I really didn’t try that hard so I’ll walk away now but instead of saying hey this is what I mean I’m just going to send this Sad walking guy instead.” Bye Felicia.

😏: this one is sent when someone is trying to be sexual or slick but doesn’t want to seem like a pervert and throws this emoji out there to see if you catch on. Word of advice. Just tell me you want to fuck and that’s it. Then I can decide if that’s what I want and we don’t have to play these games. But don’t under any circumstance say some slick stupid mess and throw this emoji out. I promise. I will not respond the way you want.

🤦🏽‍♂️: UUUUGGGGHH. I seriously despise facepalm guy. Like I hope you facepalm yourself so hard that you give yourself a concussion. Yea. It’s that bad. Why? I mean sometimes an occasional facepalm is definitely necessary. Someone says some stupid stuff and you have no response. Slight facepalm and keep it moving. The issue is, this is sent by your expert fuckboy when you have said something he doesn’t like that messes up his fuckboy game. It’s his moment to regroup. Or it’s sent as his way of acknowledging he’s fucked up. However. It’s not an actual admission of fuckup. Like “hey fuckboy you shouldn’t have said that.” His response “🤦🏽‍♂️” and the issue is, the facepalm has this undertone of “ugh. Here we go. This bitch has standards and is going to be difficult and make me work. Let me make her seem like the crazy one.” So again. Do us a favor and go ahead and facepalm yourself into the emergency room.

So here’s the thing with all of this. I acknowledge that I could be 💯% wrong on all of my interpretations. But that’s the point. It’s all open to interpretation so you have to keep that in mind when you are texting me a bunch of emojis instead of actual words.

But you know what. You could also actually pick up the phone ☎️

Y’all…

I had to block a number today…

Mind you, this was someone I met pre-Tinder Experiment, so I should have expected the crazy from the jump, but being the nice person that I am decided to just keep him around as a friend for the time being. Just in case. You know…

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Well today, that number has been blocked!

Why, you say?  Because apparently me not wanting to reimburse a 10 dollar movie ticket is an ultimate sin.

Ok I’m super exaggerating that.

In short, I agreed to go to the movies with someone, but decided that it was not a good idea to do so.  I’ll explain later. BUT, to be fair, I will say that I did agree to pay him back at first.  I was like fine, whatever. It’s ten dollars.  So I ask what’s his Venmo, Paypal, Cash app, etc. You know, so I could just shoot him over a few dollars, and forget about it.

This dude tells me he doesn’t have any of those apps and that I can send him a check.  Then proceeds to send me his mailing address.

Yall…

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Like seriously…

I can’t make this shit up…

So at that point I’ve made it up in my mind that he’s not getting this ten dollars. Sorry, not sorry (shoutouts to Demi). Also, it’s a movie you invited me to go to and I said sure,  why not.  I did not contact him about going, nor did I force him to buy the tickets.  He actually kept bothering me, asking me about it and I finally said yeah, because I do want to go see “The Last Jedi”, I really do. I know that I’d really enjoy it. So much so that I was going to go back on Saturday to see it again. To add, he specifically stated “I’ll buy the tickets since you got the last ones”.

Let me also add that NOT ONLY did I pay for the movies the last time because he showed up at the theater on RELEASE WEEKEND of Justice League without buying the tickets in advance; I had to buy them on my phone with MY money; AND we had to get a movie for a later time because the one we showed up for was sold out! BUT I ALSO bought THIS BUM’s brunch like a week earlier! Don’t you know Brunch ain’t cheap?!? AND YOU WANT TO BOTHER ME ABOUT A MOTHER F**KING $10 MOVIE TICKET?!?!?!?

Now again, me and this guy are pretty much just friends at this point and maybe I may have led him on, who knows. But I mentioned from the jump this wasn’t a cuffing season trial relationship. I wasn’t looking for anything. Not trying to get serious. Just. Friends. But I felt something brewing and just had to end it and be like “hey man, we can’t hang out like that anymore”. “I feel like there’s a show of feelings and it’s a little one sided (he was catching feels).”

Well, he called me arrogant for assuming that he was catching feelings. Told me that he’s been hanging around with multiple people, getting down and dirty with them and not only just me and etc. (which mind you, ain’t nothing even ever really happened between him and I like that) and I’m sitting here like…

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(Rainbow and all)

Then, since I told him I didn’t want to hang anymore, that’s when he wanted money back for the movie ticket. So that brings you back to the beginning of this post.

I told him to refund it. As long as the movie hasn’t played, you can get a full refund. Apparently he’s not going to do that so….whatever. I don’t know what else to tell him other than to let him be salty over a Large combo at McDonalds…Or two Cook Out Trays…Or a half tank of gas…Or whatever else that costs ten dollars now days.

Either way I didn’t realize I had to block someone over ten dollars.  Maybe I’ll be on Judge Joe Brown one day fighting this. lol

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(Petty to the 10th power)

 

“Hey, Stranger” Season

As the weather tries to get cooler (we are struggling here in NC for some reason), as the colors on the leaves change to their beautiful oranges and golds, and as Christmas music and decorations seem to have exploded onto the shelves and radio stations, I have been quickly reminded that “hey, stranger” season has arrived as well. 

Like ghosts of semi relationships past, i have received four “hey, stranger” text or direct messages this week. Actually five but one was from an actual friend just checking in so I don’t hold it against him. 


So what is a “hey, stranger” text you ask? Well first off, if you have to ask, consider yourself blessed since you’ve never received one! Side note before we get started, if Ruby Rose ever sent me a “hey, stranger” text any advice or thoughts that follow this sentence go out the window! So back to the matter at hand. A “hey, stranger” text is any message you get randomly  from any person you may have once been even the slightest bit interested in whether romantically or otherwise but for what ever reason it didn’t work out. Maybe they ran off and found someone else and got married. Maybe they ghosted you only to pop up now because they realize you’re amazing. Maybe they are currently married and failed to mention that before flirting with you. Maybe they snored so bad you slept in your car the last time you saw them and for that and several other reasons it would never work but now that they are getting old they realize they were an idiot and want to try again. Maybe these are true stories, maybe they aren’t. Either way, these relationships, or semi-relationships, did not work out for one reason or another but for some reason as the whether changes so do peoples feelings and memories so they think it’s a good idea to contact you out of the blue. 


And that’s the issue. It’s totally random and out of the blue. You’ve been minding your business for weeks, months, years and they’ve decided that’s a good indicator that you want to hear from them. 


If you’re anything like me a few things happen when the text appears or  the DM comes through. 1. You are slightly confused as to who the person is because you have either deleted their number or erased them from your memory. 2. An epic battle takes place between being a bitch or politely telling them to go back from whence they came. 


If you’re also like me you usually try to politely tell them to go away which always ends badly. They don’t understand politeness. They see it as weakness and they still try to sneak in. So then you ultimately have to be a bitch anyways to get them to go away. 


So I’ve written this as a warning. To my kindred spirits who find that each year as cuffin’ season approaches you receive an onslaught of unwanted “hey, stranger” text, I say to you: stay strong! It’s not worth it! They will disappear as quickly as they came once it starts to warm up again. You deserve better. You are better. Say it like a mantra every morning in the mirror until you believe it if you don’t. 


And for those of you who are considering sending a “hey, stranger” text. 


You had your chance. You blew it. It’s okay. We most likely aren’t mad (or maybe we are so consider that before texting) but we don’t want to hear from you. Go find someone new and live your best life, just leave us out of it!!!! 



I don’t know how else to say it. People who send any version of the “hey, stranger” text are some of the worst kind of people.