Random Thoughts: 90s Hip Hop/R&B

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So I’m in the process of making an Early 90s Hip Hop/R&B playlist  because I did a Late 90s one so it was only necessary.  Upon creating this playlist, my only criteria was that it will include music from around 1990 to around 1995.

But there’s one problem.

When I create a playlist, I try to include music that just generally flows together, no matter what order the songs are played in and I’ve noticed that the R&B sound drastically changes around 1993/94.

Maybe ‘drastically’ is an exaggeration, but the shift in musical influence has definitely changed.  I’m not a music professional at all, so I have no real reason to why this is the case and my knowledge only branches out to  just my biased musical tastes.

I just thought it was really cool how when we say 90s Hip Hop/R&B, we’re most likely referring to years 1993 to ~2001 (maybe up until 2003/04, when Crunk started becoming a thing) and just noticing that musical trend kind of blew my mind.

I know, people probably already realized this, but I don’t care.  lol

This time period gave us 50% of the music that most of us are nostalgic about and that’s why I wanted to create the playlist. Now that I’ve ran into this dilemma, I don’t even know if I can pair music from 1990 to 92 with music from 93 to 95. It just doesn’t even seem to mix well because the sound changed so much (But I’m probably going to do it anyway, lol).

DISCUSS!!!!

Artist Spotlight: THEY. – “Nü Religion: HYENA”

Today, I bring to you one of the best kind of low-radar artists in the game right now.  A duo based out of LA tends to take a different take on Hip Hop.  With a bunch of R&B, Pop, and even some Rock, this album is definitely something you want to hear if you are into different genres.  Each track brings it’s own uniqueness and energy that WILL make you bob your head. It’s inevitable.

You might know these guys from an NFL game pass commercial where their song “U-RITE” is featured, but trust me, I’ve been on these guys WAY before then.

My favorite tracks:
Africa
Deep End
Motley Crew (!!!)
Truth Be Told
What You Want
Bad Habits
Say When
U-RITE

Spotify
Apple Music

Confessions of a Therapist

I work with adolescents in a psychiatric hospital. 

99% of my day I work harder than my clients. 

Sometimes I make appropriate connections. 

I’m an okay therapist. 

Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. 

A lot of the time I don’t know what I’m doing. 

I  am 100% certain  I care too much (if that’s an actual thing) and that this will cause me to leave this field in a fit of emotion and heartbreak one day. 

I cry a lot with my job. For my clients. 

I’ve spent the majority of my day crying. 

At my current job I have felt as if I have failed one kid so far. 

I currently feel like I am failing another. 

It doesn’t get easier. 

Telling me to reframe that is not helpful. 

For this population, I firmly believe that the best way to encourage change is to foster meaningful, healthy connection and just being available when they need you. 

That’s hard to do. 

I was spit on today and called a bitch. 

Of all the things that I am frustrated with today, those two things aren’t even on the list. 

Sometimes caring is not enough. 

Being an Extroverted Introvert

I feel that I’m a textbook extroverted introvert. I do love being around people, but all in all, it is draining.  Earlier in my social life (like around my college years), I was probably very extroverted, but over time things have changed.  I used to get energy from going out and being around people, but now my body just gets drained from doing this; Physically, emotionally, and most importantly mentally.  Since this happens, more often than not, I tend to shut down and shut the world out and not be seen for a good amount of time.  A lot of people don’t understand because they’ve only seen me when I’m out having fun and partying (I.E. only following my Instagram life) and not when I’m home in my comfy clothes doing nothing but watching TV and playing video games.

But when I do go out, I do have fun, indeed.  Most of the time, I have more fun than expected, and that’s normal.  However, I do tend to have anxiety that slightly fuels my introvertism (made up word), so there’s always these thoughts of “do these people really like me?”, “am I being annoying?”, “are they just inviting me because they think I’m sad?” that always plays in my head; and even though I went out and had fun that last time, I might stay in because maybe those thoughts played in my mind a little more and I just decide to stay home in my happy place, instead of just enjoying the moment for what it is.  My anxiety is probably another Blog post for another day, so I won’t get too deep in there.  But yeah, these thoughts tend to drive me to shut down, even after I’m already out having fun, and if I have a way to bow out of a situation gracefully, I usually take advantage and leave early.

I’ve had a lot of success balancing my introverted self, with my extroverted tendencies, but recently it’s been kind of hard. Ever since my birthday, I feel like I’ve constantly been on the run on the weekends when I’m used to just laying around.  I’ve been socially draining myself to no end, and I think I have like one more week where I have to find some energy to make it before I can chill out.  And yes, I will have fun this week, because I’ll be around people I love, but I might not be up for anything spontaneous or lengthy.  That’s kind of how this whole thing works.  I know most people won’t get it, and it sounds like I’m rambling, I’m sure, but I’m trying. lol

This post is not the end all, be all explanation of extroverted introverts.  Every EI person is different, and socializes different but I feel this gives a general understanding on how a good bit of us deal with social life.   So if some of your seemingly extroverted friends decide that they can’t deal with people and don’t want to go out or just want to stay in with no explanation, don’t get mad, but in turn understand that maybe they are drained and can’t hang for that moment.  A lot of times, I get the “but I just saw you out with so and so last night”.  Well then perfect, they should understand that last night my energy was drained and today is a recharge day.

This post is more of a personal response on how people have addressed me when my introverted side has popped up after being extroverted.  Plenty of times I’ve been accused of the general silliness of “Not liking people” just because I’m drained.  Don’t be that person, because you never know how someone who is an EI could be affected by it.

/rant

Wednesday Weekly: Crunk Anthems

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So this weeks Wednesday Weekly is coming at you a little earlier than normal, because I know you all need a little CRUNK JUICE in your life this week and I DO WHAT I WANT (lol).  These songs bring back memories of High School and College that I will never forget.  I have NO IDEA how more people didn’t die after listening to these songs; Some are so angry, lol.   I was listening to this soundtrack at work yesterday and wanted to curse out EVERYBODY who looked at me sideways. So if you just need some “eff it” music for the day, a reason to “walk it out” or “2 step”, or you just feel like twerking in your office chair, this is the playlist for you!

Spotify
Apple Music

An Open Apology to my Future Partner…

Dear future partner,

I feel I have to apologize already and odds are I haven’t even met you. I apologize for the walls you are going to have to get through, as I feel myself building them even as I write this. It’s a protective measure. My soul, at this point, cannot handle the idea of someone not being you. And so the fortress is being built around my heart quicker than I can even try to tear it down. 
People always said this would happen. That I was one more bad heartbreak from giving up altogether. I don’t know if I’ve reached the absolute end of my rope yet. I still have a slight case of hope the bubbles up occasionally. But I feel it dwindling fast. And while I still have a slight grip on the rope, I can feel the frayed ends close by. I’m trying to hold on…but it’s hard. 
Here is a list of things I’m not sure of as it pertains to you: 

1. If you actually exist. 

2. If you will be willing to break through the barrier. 

3. What parts you’ll even come with now. 

4. If I’ll recognize you when you show up. 

5. If I deserve it anyways. 
So I don’t know where this is going. Maybe it’s less of an apology and more of a warning. I know it will be hard. I know it will be difficult. I know it might not seem worth it. I know you’ll consider walking away. 
I don’t know if this will go away. I don’t know how high the walls will grow. 
I know I feel as if you are getting a broken version of what you deserve. Of what was once there. Before I only felt cracked. These days I feel destroyed. It comes and goes. I know I should work on glueing myself together so that I can be whole whenever you do show up. I know I’ve started, but it’s a lot easier said than done. I know I shouldn’t be so concerned about your lack of presence and that I should “wait on Jesus.” 
I’m sorry for being broken. I’m sorry for being a mess. I’m sorry for trying to make all of these other people you, when they weren’t you, and so now I’m holding it against you. I’m sorry for apologizing so much. I’m sorry for the walls. I’m sorry. 
I can’t promise much. I promise it’ll be tough. I promise it’ll suck. I promise I will try to help you tear the walls down. I promise though, that if you succeed, I will love your fiercely and completely and with all my tiny broken pieces. 
I’m sorry for the rambling…