The Tinder Experiment (update)

It’s been about 4 days since the start of this experiment and I will be totally honest;

THIS IS A BAD IDEA

The original rules were too restricting and just made me want to swipe more, unmatch unnecessarily, and just freak out in general when I wouldn’t get a response when I felt like I should have.  So, there have been some changes made to the rules.

For those who can’t remember or just don’t know, here are the rules (updated rules in bold):

  1. Only have a conversation with 3 people at a time. 
    • If I am having genuine conversation with all 3, I can not swipe any more to attempt to match with additional people. 
  2. Being that people don’t always auto-match with whomever you swipe right on, I’m giving myself up to 5 right swipes in a 24 hour period. (I will be working on the Honor System lol).
    • The 5 right swipe rule may cause some problems being that if I swipe right 5 times and they all end up coming back as matches.  If this ever happens, at that time I must make a decision on who I want to focus on and unmatch the other people.
    • However, if one of the 5 matches messages me first, I must respond to them.  I can still keep the other matches in my queue at that point, but I must make a decision on if I will pursue further within a day.
  3. I cannot swipe right on someone with no details in their “About Me”.
  4. I’m able to swipe right on individuals who have just one sentence in their “About Me”, but it has to catch my eye and not be some boring ass shit.
  5. If there’s any doubt on the person I’m looking at, I HAVE TO Swipe Left on them.  It could be the sexiest person in the world; If there’s doubt, swipe left. (Reason being is because that doubt will cause me to continue swiping, sequentially breaking my first rule. Especially if I run out of right swipes for the day).
  6. If I match with someone, send a message, and no communication is made within 24 hours, I am free to unmatch, and continue to swipe right and start another conversation.
  7. Once there has been three consecutive days of no contact even after having genuine conversation, I MUST unmatch to keep things tidy and avoid conversing with multiple people at the same time.
  8. I can unmatch at any time.
  9. Messaging someone multiple times to get their attention is not allowed. If you have responded already, you have to wait. They must respond on their own free will.

Current issues I’ve run into

Anxiety from waiting to see if the person responds. Especially if they take a super long time. This is why the change was made to rule 1.

People who are clearly just “looking for friends” (normal or fwb). Am I auto left swiping these guys or nah? (I still haven’t made a decision on this. I may swipe right now since I’m giving myself 3 conversations now)

Accidental right swipes. (Do they count?)

Unmatching just for the sake of moving on so you can get to other matches quicker; Which sort of circumvents the process here, but also allows you to talk to someone that genuinely wants to talk to you rather than people who use Tinder as a time passer.

Unmatching seems like you’re doing a bad deed. Its very hard, especially if the person seems nice.

Pet peeves

(you know, since I’m actually paying attention to profiles now)

EVERYONE’S a young professional. 🙄 Jesus, use a better phrase to describe yourself.
(Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being a young professional, but at this point just tell me what you do if you want people to know you have a decent job) 

A lot of people love to hike or work out.
(This is no longer an indicator of if I’m attracted to you or not)

Nobody really knows what they want
(Even myself)

A lot of people seem to thing that filling out the “About Me” is trivial…

I think I’m expecting too much. Lol

 

All in all…

I think I’ve matched with about 6 people since starting this. 1 unmatched me (probably an accidental swipe right, lol). I unmatched 1 (due to the 24 hour no response rule), and another 1 I unmatched even after having ok conversation with, but I felt like he was just bored (maybe that one was a mistake).

The other three, well, I’m talking to them.  Nothing exciting to report though.  I’m working on weaning myself off of the application due to the fact that I don’t want it to start controlling my life.  I have a lot of free time so it’s easy to get consumed into it.


Be sure to follow the craziness or lack of…who knows. All of my posts will be categorized under The Tinder Experiment so you should be able to follow each post there and keep up with if this is a major success or a total failure.

Happy National Coming Out Day

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To the people who can’t be themselves…

To the people who are judged by who they love…

To the people who are looked down on as a lesser person…

To the ones who are scared…

To the ones who are depressed…

To the people who feel like they can’t smile…

To the people who feel like they don’t belong…

To the ones who cry every night…

The ones who feel like they aren’t enough…

The people who feel out of place…

The people who have suicidal thoughts…

To the people without a support system…

Just know…

We Are Here For You!

I don’t have a coming out story. I never thought I needed to officially announce it, and I kind of still don’t, but I know how important this can be for our people. I mean, when you think about it, I guess I “come out” on a regular basis (Note the irony of this whole thing).  Life as an LGBTQ person can be hard as hell and as you’re reading this, I hope your mind is actually understanding the words, rather than making judgments and assumptions about what I’m currently typing.

LGBTQ people face the challenges listed above on a daily basis just because of who we are and who we love.  Unfortunately, this personal aspect of life gets the negative attention of so many people in the world.  But living life should be all about showing and spreading love to others, not hate. Coming out is an important step in that, where we are finally open to loving ourselves as we are; and even if we don’t make a big announcement, it’s just as important for those times where we share it privately with family and friends.  Some of these challenges listed above can be caused by not loving who we are and this is why Coming Out is such an important moment. It’s a heart wrenching moment though, no matter how old we are because we never really know how people are going to react.

Yes, in 2017, we’re still worried about how people react, even if everyone seems to be “progressive”.  There are still evil people in this world that will wish the worst on us just because of this.  It’s still a real thing.

And as we get older and as we tell more people, that worry goes away, and we tend to not care as much for what people think of us, but that comes with time.  But even though that initial struggle is over, we still face challenges. Discriminatory, hateful, and judgmental behaviors are still no stranger to our community, as well as a slew of other BS that we have to fight through. And even though we feel like giving up, we keep fighting. We fight and fight until we win.  It’s worth it because WE’RE worth it.

It took me too long to realize that.

Coming out is only the beginning, and from there things may get harder, but they will definitely get better. I know that’s contradictory, but you’ll understand. When you can live life with no regard of what others think about you, and you finally feel that weight being lifted off of your shoulders.  It’s magical. I felt as if I have finally gained control of my own life.

It’s a beautiful moment.

So I’m standing here (or sitting, because I’m typing), as a member of this wonderful community. The one with happy smiling faces, that also tends to frown sometimes because of idiots who comment on news articles, to say that you are not alone and we are here for you!

Happy Coming Out Day!

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