Don’t let an emoji wreck your life

My best friend and fellow blogger, Leanna, and I, like to make nicknames for all the men and/or fuckboys we have encountered in our lives. It’s a lot easier to remember than actual names and much more fun. I imagine that this is something a lot of women, or even men, do.

I wonder what nicknames I’ve been given…hmmm?!?!

Anywho

One of the nicknames that have been given out is “don’t let an emoji wreck your life guy”.

Don’t lie. You know that’s funny.

So long story short, this guy used to always send random emojis. Like, had I really wanted to, we would have probably only had conversations via emoji. And that shits not cool.

The annoying part was that we would occasional talk, Nothing would come of it, No shot was ever taken if you wanna put it that way (shameless plug for my previous post) and so I would usually move on to some other guy. He ends up being a fuck boy. Don’t let an emoji wreck your life guy shows back up. Pointless talking. Cycle continues.

How he got his nickname though was that he always popped up with an emoji. And all conversation included emojis. And it was fucking annoying.

Why?!?

Just say what you mean! I get the point of emojis. I do. But don’t have them be your most used form of communication and definitely don’t use them instead of shooting your shot! 🏀⛹🏽‍♀️⛹🏾‍♂️

Rule of emoji thumb 👍🏽: Emojis should accentuate your messages, thoughts and words not replace them!

You want to know why?

Because emojis require a lot of interpretation. And we might not translate them the same way. And we are already losing some important parts of the art of communication because we are texting or snap chatting so to then throw in a bunch of random, vague emojis you are just inviting me to be confused and ignore you.

And

So here is a list of the emojis I find most annoying and why.

👀 👀 👀 : first of all, screw you and your lookin eyes! Why? Why must you send me five sets of looking eyeballs. These are always sent when you have not said anything to a fuck boy for a while and instead of saying “hey. How are you. I miss talking to you. Want to hang out? Hope everything is okay.” They send you these stalker eyes like “hey I’m watching you why are you ignoring me I’m an awesome guy and you don’t realize that so I’m going to call you a bitch in two minutes when you don’t respond how I want.”

🤷🏾‍♂️: this to me is the international symbol for “I’m not pressed.” And if you don’t know how much I hate that phrase, go read my other blog conveniently titled “you should be pressed.” So at first glance it looks like a harmless guy who is just confused or genuinely doesn’t know something. Like if I said “hey what’s the capital of Kazakhstan” you could write back 🤷🏾‍♂️ and I wouldn’t care. But that’s not what happens. This guy gets sent when someone’s butt hurt but they don’t want to show it. Or it’s a passive aggressive like “I just said some ignorant shit and I’m going to put this guy here to ease the tension but also solidify my status as a fuckboy 🤷🏾‍♂️.” And when that happens you can promptly watch me metaphorically shrug my shoulders as I walk away.

🚶🏾‍♂️: honestly I think I only got this guy from don’t let an emoji wreck your life guy so I feel he deserves to be on the list. This is the most passive aggressive sad walk away guy ever. This is sent as a like “oh no. I tried to shoot my shot but I really didn’t try that hard so I’ll walk away now but instead of saying hey this is what I mean I’m just going to send this Sad walking guy instead.” Bye Felicia.

😏: this one is sent when someone is trying to be sexual or slick but doesn’t want to seem like a pervert and throws this emoji out there to see if you catch on. Word of advice. Just tell me you want to fuck and that’s it. Then I can decide if that’s what I want and we don’t have to play these games. But don’t under any circumstance say some slick stupid mess and throw this emoji out. I promise. I will not respond the way you want.

🤦🏽‍♂️: UUUUGGGGHH. I seriously despise facepalm guy. Like I hope you facepalm yourself so hard that you give yourself a concussion. Yea. It’s that bad. Why? I mean sometimes an occasional facepalm is definitely necessary. Someone says some stupid stuff and you have no response. Slight facepalm and keep it moving. The issue is, this is sent by your expert fuckboy when you have said something he doesn’t like that messes up his fuckboy game. It’s his moment to regroup. Or it’s sent as his way of acknowledging he’s fucked up. However. It’s not an actual admission of fuckup. Like “hey fuckboy you shouldn’t have said that.” His response “🤦🏽‍♂️” and the issue is, the facepalm has this undertone of “ugh. Here we go. This bitch has standards and is going to be difficult and make me work. Let me make her seem like the crazy one.” So again. Do us a favor and go ahead and facepalm yourself into the emergency room.

So here’s the thing with all of this. I acknowledge that I could be 💯% wrong on all of my interpretations. But that’s the point. It’s all open to interpretation so you have to keep that in mind when you are texting me a bunch of emojis instead of actual words.

But you know what. You could also actually pick up the phone ☎️

An incomplete list of my life at 30 and proof that I definitely don’t have it all together

While writing my other blog “30 and wandering…“, I came across this idea to list out pretty much every little detail about how imperfect my life is, and after going through the list, I can truly say that for the amount of things on this list, I’m doing pretty well for myself, I think. Enjoy!

I didn’t own a pair of boots as an adult until January of 2018. MAYBE a pair of Timbs during high school.

No…Lugz…they were definitely Lugz

I go grocery shopping to save money and eat better, but still end up getting fast food because most times I’m too tired to cook.

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I choose what wine I want to drink according to the alcohol to price ratio.

Actually, that goes for any alcoholic drink.

Speaking of alcohol, I buy the cheapest because it’s just going to get mixed with something else anyway. Don’t let these brand whores steer you wrong.

My car has been overheating while idling for months now and I still haven’t gotten it fixed.

I’m still paying for my old car I had before my current one. Negative equity is a bitch yall.

I owe State taxes for both SC and NC and even though I have a big refund that will cover them both, I’ll probably spend my refund on something silly then freak out when April 17th comes around and I’ll have to scrounge up money to pay the IRS.

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I buy things that I don’t use, but will refuse to get rid of them.

My home that I’ve lived in for three years still hasn’t necessarily been decorated in any form or fashion.

I’d rather fall asleep hungry than spend money on fast food because I’m too lazy to cook.

I tell myself I’m going to work out, but I don’t. Week after week.

I tend to not have complete thoughts a lot…if ever…

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I have clothes in my closet I know that I will never wear again, but will complain about not having space in my dresser.

I think those light up shoes are terrible, but I secretly want a pair

I’m in so much debt…

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I don’t know how to date

I don’t know if I want to date

I don’t know if I’m date-able

I go on hookup apps looking for love.

I go on dates with people who clearly don’t want anything from me other than sex even though that’s not what I’m looking for.

A healthy meal to me is something not fried.

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My tub probably has like 5 layers of dirt in it.

I like naps

Like seriously, LOVE naps.

Sometimes, I have clean clothes and dirty clothes strewn all over the floor and don’t know the difference between the two until I smell test them.

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If I had to choose between Reese’s or having gas for my car to go places. I’d probably choose the Reese’s every time, no question.

Instead of planning out my day and taking advantage of the time I have, I procrastinate and then rush through everything when time starts getting slim.

I pay to have my groceries delivered because I’m terrible at grocery shopping.


These are only a few things that make me terrible. Hopefully some of you out there deal with the same terribleness I do, and if not then maybe there isn’t any hope for me.

Y’all…

I had to block a number today…

Mind you, this was someone I met pre-Tinder Experiment, so I should have expected the crazy from the jump, but being the nice person that I am decided to just keep him around as a friend for the time being. Just in case. You know…

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Well today, that number has been blocked!

Why, you say?  Because apparently me not wanting to reimburse a 10 dollar movie ticket is an ultimate sin.

Ok I’m super exaggerating that.

In short, I agreed to go to the movies with someone, but decided that it was not a good idea to do so.  I’ll explain later. BUT, to be fair, I will say that I did agree to pay him back at first.  I was like fine, whatever. It’s ten dollars.  So I ask what’s his Venmo, Paypal, Cash app, etc. You know, so I could just shoot him over a few dollars, and forget about it.

This dude tells me he doesn’t have any of those apps and that I can send him a check.  Then proceeds to send me his mailing address.

Yall…

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Like seriously…

I can’t make this shit up…

So at that point I’ve made it up in my mind that he’s not getting this ten dollars. Sorry, not sorry (shoutouts to Demi). Also, it’s a movie you invited me to go to and I said sure,  why not.  I did not contact him about going, nor did I force him to buy the tickets.  He actually kept bothering me, asking me about it and I finally said yeah, because I do want to go see “The Last Jedi”, I really do. I know that I’d really enjoy it. So much so that I was going to go back on Saturday to see it again. To add, he specifically stated “I’ll buy the tickets since you got the last ones”.

Let me also add that NOT ONLY did I pay for the movies the last time because he showed up at the theater on RELEASE WEEKEND of Justice League without buying the tickets in advance; I had to buy them on my phone with MY money; AND we had to get a movie for a later time because the one we showed up for was sold out! BUT I ALSO bought THIS BUM’s brunch like a week earlier! Don’t you know Brunch ain’t cheap?!? AND YOU WANT TO BOTHER ME ABOUT A MOTHER F**KING $10 MOVIE TICKET?!?!?!?

Now again, me and this guy are pretty much just friends at this point and maybe I may have led him on, who knows. But I mentioned from the jump this wasn’t a cuffing season trial relationship. I wasn’t looking for anything. Not trying to get serious. Just. Friends. But I felt something brewing and just had to end it and be like “hey man, we can’t hang out like that anymore”. “I feel like there’s a show of feelings and it’s a little one sided (he was catching feels).”

Well, he called me arrogant for assuming that he was catching feelings. Told me that he’s been hanging around with multiple people, getting down and dirty with them and not only just me and etc. (which mind you, ain’t nothing even ever really happened between him and I like that) and I’m sitting here like…

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(Rainbow and all)

Then, since I told him I didn’t want to hang anymore, that’s when he wanted money back for the movie ticket. So that brings you back to the beginning of this post.

I told him to refund it. As long as the movie hasn’t played, you can get a full refund. Apparently he’s not going to do that so….whatever. I don’t know what else to tell him other than to let him be salty over a Large combo at McDonalds…Or two Cook Out Trays…Or a half tank of gas…Or whatever else that costs ten dollars now days.

Either way I didn’t realize I had to block someone over ten dollars.  Maybe I’ll be on Judge Joe Brown one day fighting this. lol

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(Petty to the 10th power)