2018 is over and I’m glad! JK

2018 has been one interesting year.  I decided to date, then I decided not to date, then I decided to date again, and now I’m not sure if I’m dating or not…*shrugs*.  I moved from one state to another 2 states away. I realized that making friends as an adult is hard for a slightly antisocial introverted person.  BUT, I’ve also shed some of my introverted ways as well…kind of.  However you put it, I must say that this year was pretty good.  I’ve had highs, and I’ve definitely had lows, but we’re going to end this thing on a good note, so I’m just going to get right into it. In no particular order, these are my favorite moments/things about 2018:

Concerts Concerts Concerts

I’ve decided to lump this one together.  Why?  Well, because I didn’t want three different concerts taking up my list.  DUH….

I was never a concert goer growing up.  I didn’t go to my first concert really until I was like, 25.  My first artist I ever saw live in concert was Bruno Mars, and ever since then, I’ve been in love with it.  Now, people may have considered me a big music guy, and I am, but I’m not that big on crowds, or I wasn’t.  I’ve grown to overcome that over the past years and now I even make friends (with the assistance of alcohol)  The concerts I’ve been to this year were Miguel (twice) w/ DVSN, Janelle Monae w/ St Beauty , Sam Smith, Tank and the Bangas w/ Big Freedia, Allen Stone, and Jessie J.  All of these shows were awesome. Janelle Monae, was BY FAR my favorite with Allen Stone and Sam Smith coming in at close second.  If you want to know why, just ask, I’d be more than glad to ramble on about her fierceness.  There’s nothing like seeing an artist in person, be it your favorite or not.  The sheer talent that these humans display is just utterly amazing.  If you find yourself close to any, check them out. You won’t be disappointed.  Here are a few videos of my favorite songs from my favorite concerts from this year.

Janelle Monae – Django Jane

Sam Smith – HIM

Allen Stone – Unaware

Moving from Charlotte to Washington, DC

Most definitely the BIGGEST decision I’ve ever made in life and from a professional standpoint, I feel like it was a great decision.  From a personal standpoint, I’m not sure yet.  My personal/social life hasn’t been the best, but it hasn’t been terrible either.  It’s kind of hard being an adult in a new city who’s trying to find their footing.  The friends I do have here that I’ve known from College though are great and I really appreciate them for all their help when I just want to talk, or go out to Happy Hour or whatever, but I’m still trying to find my own place…My own little circle, if you will.  Anywho, this post isn’t about that.  This move has really let me know that I shouldn’t be complacent or be satisfied with complacency and if there is an opportunity to better myself, that I should think of all the options and go out on a limb if I believe in myself. And that’s what I did.  I don’t think I’m ever looking back, although I do love Charlotte, it was pass time for me to leave, and I’m glad that the pieces fell in the right place for it to happen.  I’m loving DC btw for anyone who’s wondering

Bowling with Stonewall Sports (Charlotte)

So, thanks to a friend from a couple years back, he introduced me/forced me to play sports with Stonewall in Charlotte.  I started out playing winter volleyball (in a gym) and honestly, I thoroughly enjoyed my time playing. It got me out of the house during the week, and I was able to socialize a bit and make some good acquaintances. But then bowling season came around, and I’ve never loved being social as much as I did once I discovered that.  I think it’s just the non competitive demeanor of most players.  Everyone was there to have fun and you could also drink beer while doing it without looking like an alcoholic, lol.  It’s a very low key, social sport and that’s what I enjoyed most about it.  I’ve made some good friends playing, and I honestly miss those guys the most outside the circle of my close friends.  Stonewall Bowling will forever be ingrained into my mind as one of my favorite memories of 2018, and of Charlotte as a whole.

Friends

In addition to making new friends through Stonewall this year, I’ve also had friends who have always been there for me.  Obviously some of us don’t talk on a daily basis, but we can definitely chop it up as soon as one of us says hi and has something to talk about.  And sometimes we don’t even talk about anything, we just like to say hello and keep it moving.  I hate that I wasn’t able to spend more time with my most bestest best friend Lanita, but I know that she’s got my back any time I need it, and I have hers just as well. Also, shoutouts to my new best friend and former roomie Caroline.  I hope I didn’t drive her too crazy for that year she lived wit me.  She’s helped me with more than she will ever know over the last year and I’m forever grateful. Lastly, shoutouts to my BFFFFFF and blogmate Lee, for putting up with my mess and silliness and stupid emotions over the last forever.  Not sure I would be as sane as I am without ranting to you on a daily basis. I can’t say enough to embody the appreciation I have for all of my friends.  I love them all, and hope that they all prosper in their jobs, family lives, or whatever else they want to have success in for life.

Family

I will be the first to admit.  I don’t visit my family as often as I probably should but that doesn’t mean I don’t love them.  They probably think differently though, lol.  Either way, the times that I did visit my family this year, it was for special reasons, and I enjoyed every moment of it.  I want to be there for them more than I have in the past so I want to make it my mission to visit more often, talk to them more often, and just be around/present more often.  Unfortunately, it may be harder since I live farther away now, but we will try.

 

Sora

I owe pretty much all of my sanity to my wonderful, but crazy dog Sora.  She was named after the girl in Digimon, but only after I found it on a pet name site.  despite having a pink coat, a purple harness, and no male genitals, people still think she’s a boy dog, and everyone in my apartment building either is in love with her, or is scared of her. lol.  Sora wouldn’t hurt a fly, but she is very energetic and doesn’t know how to turn if off.  The joy and excitement she has when she sees me get up every morning, and when I get home in the evenings, puts a smile on my face that I just can’t avoid.  I love her to death.  I have literally a MILLION pics of my loving pup on my phone and I’ll try not to share them all here, but OMG I don’t know how I would be without my lil sweetheart.  lol

Just look at this pup!

This Blog

Even though I haven’t written a lot here lately, most of my content comes from this year and I can’t thank you all enough for tuning into the craziness I call my mind.  Everyone who has given me feedback, I have taken it and hopefully applied all of your input to make this thing better for everyone.  I’ve been told by many people that they enjoy reading my posts and even had some who were inspired by them.  As I’ve said many times before, I don’t think of myself as that type of person, one who inspires, but I’m glad to hear that 1) you all are no different from me and 2) that we all go through life in different but similar ways and 3) that we all can provide some kind of inspiration or insight to help  each other out, even if you don’t feel like you can. Also, I love that my blogmates have been here to share in these experiences as well, and hopefully we can grow to even more followers in 2019. Here’s to our followers and to us for another wonderful year! Year 2 will be a blast!  We love you all!

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The Anxious Case of Malcolmin Button

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So for most of you who really know me, you know that I suffer from social anxiety. I used to mask it a lot by just calling it being introverted, or shy or whatever, which I am introverted but a tad on the extroverted side (when I’m in a “safe space”) and a lot of people tend to not understand how that works. So when they see me out here on Instagram living my “best life”, they think “oh, he’s such an outgoing guy. What does he mean he’s ‘shy'”. Well, it’s a very multifaceted thing, and it has layers. So I’m going to try and outline how my brain works for you all.

Anxiety affects people in different ways. My anxiety plays on some of my biggest insecurities. Be it, how I feel about the appearance of my body, my teeth, if I actually sound like an idiot when I talk to people, if I’m talking to much, if I’m actually interesting… The list goes on and on; and the basis of my being introverted is because these thoughts run through my head consistently when talking to friends, family, people I’m meeting for the first time, etc., so it causes me to shut down, and stay in my safe space.

Well, having social anxiety in a new city is not great at all, lol. And when I moved, I knew this would be a big thing that I’d have to encounter because even though I do have associates here that I can hang with, the dynamic of those friends/associates are totally different than what I’m used to. Another anxiety fueled thought I have regarding this is “those guys have their own circles and I don’t want to intrude…”. And I’m sure that’s beyond the truth, but I just can’t help it. My anxiety causes me to feel like I’m a burden to people sometimes.

So, with that said, I made a decision a week or so ago try and be better about my anxiety. Basically, I want to try and manage it better; and for those who follow me on Instagram, you have probably noticed, I’m doing a lot more than when I first got here. And I won’t lie, the first two weeks I was here, I was a hermit. So much so that I lost 5 lbs because I didn’t want to go anywhere at all. Didn’t want to eat out at restaurants (the social gathering pastime), or go to a bar to party. But that is totally different now as I’ve been getting my feet wet being social with new people.

This is how I’m working to fight my anxiety:

1. Talking about it

Be it a therapist, or a friend, or even some of the new people that I’ve met, I’ve been super open about my social anxiety. One reason, is because I don’t want people to feel rejected or dissed when I do certain things regarding social situations, and two, it lets people get a better understanding of how I operate. Talking about my anxiety with people sets the stage on how comfortable I am when it comes to making certain decisions down the road.

2. Having a pet

OK this one depends. I know that everyone is not a pet person, or can afford a pet, but I thank whatever magical being responsible for my dog Sora. She’s very outgoing and playful and loving and she just makes getting out and doing things very easy. Even if I’m not necessarily being social, Sora has to go on her long walks. She loves seeing the other dogs in the neighborhood and enjoys the people too! So walking around with her allows me to get out of the house and enjoy the world outside which, in turn allows my mind to focus on other things and not my anxiety.

3. Doing things even though I don’t want to

So I was invited to a new friend’s place for a game night over the weekend. Knowing of my anxious tendencies he was understanding if I didn’t want to go, but he was also very pushy about it. Saying that I needed to go and meet people and whatnot (which, I mean, yeah ok). However, I was invited like on Monday, and the thing wasn’t until Saturday, and my brain was already processing the “questions” about how will people react to me even being there. I did go though, and I had a good time.

4. Not being afraid to say no

OK so I know this sounds contradictory, but just as much as you should let yourself step out of your comfort zone, you should also respect it. So when I find myself trying to “do the most”, I have to realize that I am an introvert that suffers from social anxiety first, and that I need to slow it down a bit. Take it back a few notches. Because when my social battery is completely drained, paired with the anxiety of being social, I tend to blow up and it’s not pretty.

5. Having friends who respect my anxiety and help me with it

Having understanding friends is key, because they should understand what you need when you need it. I know I touched on this before, but friends should be helpful when you talk to them about it. They should help you overcome it, as well as help you when you need to slow down a bit. This will be key in forming new friendships here in DC, and I can’t wait to get out there.

So yeah, these are the main keys of how I’m trying to overcome my social anxiety, and I feel like it’s working. For now, at least. I hope to continue to not look at this as a “problem” per se, but more so as another layer to my awesome personality. I may always have anxiety, but I am not going to let it run my life.