Emotional Abuse: A Hip Hop Love Story

Gather round boys and girls. I’m about to tell you a little story.

Once upon a time, not so long ago, there lived a fabulous princess from the Bronx. This princess was no ordinary princess. While all the other princesses were busy being prim and proper and not making a sound while they waited to be saved by their prince, this princess chose a different route. She was loud, and obnoxious, and proud, and she was even super proud of her sexuality and body to the shock of many of the so called ladies and gentleman of the land. This princess lived her best life and made a name for herself. She went from lowly peasant stripper to chart topping female rapper. All was seemingly well in her world…but not for long. As they tend to do, the wannabe princes of the land came from far and wide. Not to win her affection, but to jump on her band wagon and boost their own growing success. Maybe the princess saw an opportunity and took it. Maybe she was blinded by what looked like love. Who knows. Eventually the princess found one colorful prince with a tendency toward mumbling and she settled down. Emphasis on the settled. They hastily got married. They had a baby. All was seemingly well in the land according to social media and new chart topping songs. Unfortunately, however, the prince decided to prove himself to be a fuck boy. He cheated and probably did all sorts of other unmentionable things because 99% of the time even when princes have fabulous princesses who have mothered their children and helped them gain even higher levels of success, they still want everything insight including skanky peasants who can’t bring anything to the table. Luckily, our princess was smart and dropped the no good fuck boy prince and went on to live happily ever after pulling a total Taylor Swift and making millions off the break up…THE END!!

NOT!!!

So, that’s definitely where the story should end. Cardi B dumped Offset and he should have acknowledged his loss and kept it moving. An apology in the moment. Continued to support his daughter and hopefully they can manage some civil co-parenting for the next 18 years. Maybe, if he truly meant it, he could have privately asked for forgiveness and a second chance and proven he has changed (after actually changing) and then if she chose to get back with him more power to her. If not. No is no and sucks to be you!

But nope. As many emotionally abusive and manipulative boys like to do…Offset is currently attempting to bully Cardi into taking him back. Hijacking her show, going on stage with other people and getting the audience to chant for Cardi to take him back, and I’m sure other abusive/manipulative tactics that I am unaware of because keeping track of this story honestly makes me sick to my stomach!

I write this as someone who has been in similar situations multiple times, just obviously not on the same scale. I used to think there was something special about me that made men regret letting me go and begging my forgiveness and for me to take them back. And I did. Multiple times. But you know what…they NEVER and I mean NEVER changed. A few days or a week does not a changed man make. Hell in some situations even years did not mean they had changed. What they had done, however, is continue to perfect their emotionally abusive tactics.

Emotional abuse is exactly what we are witnessing take place between Offset and Cardi. I don’t use those words lightly. I’m saying exactly what I mean. This is not love. I repeat. THIS IS NOT LOVE. THIS IS ABUSE. And so many people (male and female) or so use to this being their only definition of love that they are encouraging Cardi to take this no good asshole back.

Treating someone like shit is not love

Cheating is not love (that means physical and emotional cheating)

Lying is not love

Sneaking around is not love

Breaking someone’s trust is not love

Emotional abuse is not love

Doing these things repeatedly and asking for forgiveness and making false promises that you will change and then not changing is not love

Making someone feel bad for choosing themselves when you have treated them like garbage for any amount of time is not love

Stalking someone at their job (exactly what Offset did) is not love

Getting your friends (fans) to harass someone for you is not love.

If you need a refresher on what love is go take a look at 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 as a starting place then work your way out from there. Religious or not, it’s a pretty good definition.

Now. I’m not saying Cardi is perfect. I’m sure she’s done her own mess. If Offset didn’t leave her when she did it, that’s on him. Just because he chose to stick around when she was not loving him correctly, does not mean she has to stick around when he does the same.

I write this out of a place of familiarity, sadness and fear having, as I said, experienced these same things in the past. I don’t use the word trauma lightly, but as time has gone on, I continue to realize how much my last relationship seriously impacted my mental, physical, spiritual and relational well being. Seeing Offset on stage trying to guilt trip Cardi into taking him back gave me flashbacks of the last time I ran into my ex. I couldn’t finish watching it. I’m impressed with how Cardi is handling the situation and asking her fans not to attack Offset. I’d be considering a restraining order at this point.

Anywho. I said all that to say this, if you are in a situation that is even remotely emotionally abusive. Get out. Run as fast and as far away as possible. Maybe they will change. Maybe they won’t. You are not required to stick around and see if they will. Despite what the internet may have you think about how a real woman should stick by her man while he is growing…a real man shouldn’t have to grow from an abusive jerk face into an actual man. You are not his mother. That is not your job. Know your worth. Double it. Add tax and then under absolutely no circumstances ever put yourself on sale for anyone ever again.

Also…this made me holler!