What No One Tells You About Getting Old

*Disclaimer: yes I know I’m only 30. I’m not that old so please don’t read the title and immediately start saying stuff like “oh you don’t know nothing yet. Just you wait.” You know why, because this post is specifically for people who say that kind of shit when someone younger than them says something about getting old. You, are on my list of slightly annoying humans.*

Alright, now that that’s out of the way. I have come to realize that there are two very specific things that no one warned me would happen as I start to get older.

I have been 30 for about 9 months now and for the most part it’s been going pretty good. There are the typical getting older things that I prepared for.

My ability to understand new technology has ended. I give up. I had to ask my daughter how to add my bitmoji to a post on SnapChat and you would have thought I asked her how to save a word document the way she looked at me.

My taste in music has basically been stuck in the early 2000’s since I left middle school. Occasionally I find a new song I like and play it to death but the classics will never get old. *cash money taking over for the 99 and the 2000 begins playing softly in the background*

I have never been able to do any of those new fancy dances. That started with that stupid dance for “It’s Going Down” by Young Joc at junior prom and it has only gotten worse from there.

I’ve long ago lost track of all the new slang. Most of the time the words just annoy the mess out of me. This originally started with the word “swagger” and has only gotten worse from there.

I’ve basically been a little old lady trapped in a young persons body my whole life it feels like. And I’ve been okay with that. But lately my body has been catching up and it too has been saying

Just a little too frequently for my liking.

Example number 1 of how my body is getting too old for this shit:

I used to be able to eat anything I wanted without and consequences. It was a beautiful thing that I did not appreciate until it was too late. My metabolism basically drove off a cliff after I got pregnant. A lot of that may have been genetic as I come from a family of big beautiful women. Recently, however, it has not just been the weight gain or difficulty losing it that has been the issue.

All of my beloved sugary, fatty, deep fried favorites are literally causing me physical pain or at the very least extreme fatigue. I literally have a conversation with myself before eating any type of sugar to acknowledge the torture that will come.

And if it’s a slice of bread, just know I will be struggling not to sleep for the rest of the day. I like naps but I have to work.

The Venn diagram of all the foods I love that are bad for me and all the foods that make me feel like crap is now officially a circle.

And unlike this nifty Gif I found the circles just stop once they overlap. (Fun fact. If you spell it as vin and not venn you just get a bunch of Gifs of Vin Diesel).

Example number 2 of how my body is getting too old for this shit:

I don’t heal like I used too. Cuts, bruises, and random scrapes take for ever to heal. A hang nail can be painful for several days. My body seems to have just given up on fixing itself. It’s basically saying “well friend, it’s all down hill from here so why even try.”

Basically:

I got into a car the other day and hit my shin in the glove compartment. It bruised immediately, swelled up and it hurt to walk. It took a solid two weeks to stop being tender to the touch.

I had blood drawn 10 days ago. I immediately knew she had messed up and it was going to bruise. I looked like I was shooting heroin for a solid seven days and like someone had grabbed my arm a little too hard for the remaining two. Today is the first day without any bruising.

Here is a incomplete list of things that have caused me physical pain in the last nine months:

Walking up stairs

Exercise (but not like oh feel the burn it’s working pain. No. Injury)

Sitting for too long

Sleeping for too long

Leaning against something for too long

Resting my leg against a coffee table as I do a puzzle

Picking up my nephew

Doing my hair

So basically

And the “this” I’m referring to is daily living without injuring myself.

Part of me worries all of this is actually signs of some medical issue. I had my yearly check up. My A1C is back below pre-diabetic levels for the first time in years, my thyroid is good, my liver is good, no cervical cancer or STI’s. My cholesterol is a little high probably thanks to that month of keto I did (mmmm bacon). But for the most part all the basic tests came back with good results.

Which leads me to conclude I’m just getting old and this is what happens but no one tells you. Thanks guys!

I’m going to go sign up for life alert now just to be safe.

Help!! Life is Driving me Crazy!!

I’m going a bit stir crazy from being stuck in the house since Friday due to not so hurricane anymore Florence. I’m working on my second puzzle, watched countless hours of tv and movies, taken several naps, eaten my body weight in hurricane snacks and played several card and board games with the family. It was only a matter of time before a blog post came along.

My daughter and I just finished playing “The Game of Life.” First of all, why does this game have a whole name and not just “Life.”

Anywho, I have played this game several hundred times since I was a child. Even though they’ve updated the game and cards, the premise is still the same. Hop in a car, spin the dial, go around the board collecting money, paying for things, getting a job, attempting to live your best life before ultimately retiring while you wait for everyone else to catch up.

Now that I’ve lived a little bit of actual life as an adult…I have a few bones to pick with this game! I’m also adding it to the list of things that seriously set me up with unrealistic expectations of real life adulting.

Here they are:

(I’m sorry there are no funny GIFs to accompany the list…my internet is on the fritz due to the storm and my data sucks)

1. You automatically start off with a car. This is not real life for the vast majority of people. Somehow in the game of life, however, everyone stars out on the same playing field with a whole car. And it doesn’t end there…

2. Everyone starts out with $200,000! Again, not realistic for 99% of the world. It’s safe to assume this game starts out fresh after graduation as your very first adult life decision is to go the college track or career track. I’m not sure I know anyone who finished high school and had $200,000 in the bank whether saved or given to them. My fri bad aren’t rich. I got a lap top when I graduated. Not $200,000. So let’s see, so far in this unrealistic life I’ve got a fully functional car which I did not have to pay for using my $200,000 in cash. Sweet!

3. Career or college track. So this one isn’t so bad. It’s pretty realistic for most people to go one or the other. Going to college track means you get to pick from special, higher paying college track jobs. You also have to pay $100,000 in tuition, which again, not super unrealistic. However, thanks to that random $200,000 you happen to baby lying around you can pay for it outright, don’t have to take out loans, don’t have to work your way through college and can afford to eat more than Top Ramen every day. Sweet!

4. Next stop: pick your career! Again, pretty reasonable. Most people have some sort of choice as to what job they have. Even if that choice is between two jobs they hate or don’t want to do it is a choice. We won’t knit pick this one too much (hmmm knitting. I haven’t done that in a while. I’ll add that to my list of things to do before I go insane in this hurricane). So I ended up being a veterinarian making $100,000. I’m not sure how much a vet actually makes a year so I’ll take the games word for it. I checked out some other cards though and realized this game is ridiculous. They have teachers make $100,000 and athletes making $50,000. We all know that’s a lie. I will say, maybe the game has it right on this one though. That’s definitely how it should be.

5. I only have to work for thirteen years!!! There are a total of thirteen pay days on the board. Assuming I make $100,000 a year and not every two weeks that means I’m only working for thirteen years before I retire. Sweet!

6. Action!! So as you go around the board you pick up action cards that either cause you to earn money or pay money. I had to give Taylor $20,000 for stealing a stapler but earned $40,000 for making a smoothie. These actions are beyond absurd but such is the game of life I guess.

7. You have to get married. There is no way around it. The board demands you to stop and pick a spouse. I have a current obsession with Kaycee from big brother so I decided we were getting married. If this game is going to make me live in a fantasy world where I managed to get married a year after graduating from college with a job paying $100,000 a year then I figured I might as well go all out and marry my current girl crush. Pretend life is good people.

8. I appreciate that it gives you the option to have kids or not. It may force you to get married but it doesn’t demand you procreate. Sweet!

9. Retirement. Every one gets to retire. No one works until one day they go home after the end of their shift and pass away in their sleep because they could never afford to not work, or they had to continue to work because their social security check wasn’t enough to make ends meet. Nope. You just pick wether you want to spend the rest of your life in a fancy mansion retirement home or a cozy cottage retirement home. Sweet! Also, if you are the first of your friends to retire you get an extra $400,000 just because. Double sweet!

10. Remember those action cards?!?! I hope you held on to them, because you get a smooth $100,000 for every action card you earned. Just imagine, if after you retire you got $100,000 for every memory you made along the way! You also get $50,000 for any kids you chose to have. Isn’t the game of life grand!

11. What’s missing?!?! Well, during this round of the game of life, me, my wife Kaycee and our daughter lived in my car the whole time. Yep. I never bought a house. There were chances to do so but I was never lucky enough to land on a spot in order to purchase one. Maybe this part is pretty realistic. But heck, since they were giving away cars and money at the beginning they could have at least hooked me up with a free apartment or something.

So yea…clearly I have spend entirely too much time in this house and the typically soothing sound of rain is actually driving me insane. Someone save me please!!!

It’s Official…

746 Elders Story

Why do I feel like I’m about to throw up? The room is spinning, I can’t have a concentrated thought to last more than a minute and I think I’m becoming a big ball of emotions.

I saw it… The MLS listing for my home, and it may be the first real sign of “wow, this is actually happening”.

I’m on the verge of picking up everything and making the biggest change of my life that I don’t even know I’m ready for.

I know that when I wrote my other blog A First-Time Home Buyer’s Confession…, I mentioned that my house never really felt like a home.  While that is still true, I can’t forget about all of the memories I’ve had there.  Too many to go through, but I’ll share my first one.

I have this thing about when I move somewhere new,  I go in, open the door, blast the Air Conditioner, turn on the fan (if there is one) and then lay down in the middle of the floor.  Alternating between having my eyes closed, feeling the aura of the room, and then having them open, staring into the void of the ceiling fixture. I’ve always done this, ever since I’ve owned my first apartment back in 2009, but this time, it was different.

This was mine…

As I laid there, I thought about what I would do with my own space.  How I would treat it. My first housewarming party for my first home.  Where I was going to put all of the furniture. Buying all of the furniture to be put in there.  My mind was just racing to have this opportunity given to me.  No, it wasn’t given, it was earned.  Then, my mind goes blank, and I just lay there.  I just am.  I feel the air from the AC and ceiling fan blow on me, and I’m just happy to call this new place my home.  After all the time and effort spent on buying a home, I was relieved.

It was a culmination of hard work and an awesome bank that would basically give a loan to a dog as long as it had good credit and made enough money, lol.  No, buying a home isn’t easy, you definitely have to be vetted and go through a long ass process before anything happens, BUT I survived. That was good enough for me to be proud and feel that I’ve beaten a negative statistic about people who look like me in society.

3 years ago, I moved into a place that I could call my own.  Again, hindsight has let me know that right now this isn’t what I want in life, but back then it was a great feeling.  I truly felt like an adult.  Like, I did something amazing.  To own a home at 27?  Especially since I felt like I was sort of failing at adulting at that point in my life. Everything just started going well for me, and I feel like owning a home at that time in my life was a great decision.  However, people and things change, but what won’t change is how grateful I am to have been in a position to buy a home (as little as it is) and also grateful that I have the opportunity to sell my first home to be a part of something better, in my professional career.

I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again.  Life is hard.  It comes with good and bad, happy and sad, clear-mindedness and confusion/uncertainty, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

Now, I’m off to DC tomorrow to go apartment hunting…I hope I don’t cry.

A First-Time Home Buyer’s Confession…

house-for-sale1

Owning a home is pretty easy.  It’s down right smart, honestly.  It’s like putting an investment into yourself, you know?  Making sure that you have something to show for your hard earned money. AND, it’s relatively cheap, I mean, when you compare it to renting.  You can do anything your little HGTV inspired mind will let you.  You own it! Live it up!

So why do I feel like owning a home isn’t for me?

Being a homeowner for the past 3+ years has had it’s ups and downs.  More ups than downs honestly, but over the past year or two I’ve had this feeling that I was ready for something different (I get like this a lot).  Earlier this year, I was in the process of trying to figure out my next career move.  Along with this came the thought of if this career move would include an actual MOVE move.  It was basically because I didn’t know if I wanted to live in Charlotte anymore.  I’ve gotten into a mood that it was time for me to spread my wings and be a part of another experience.  As much as I love it here (I mean, I have a tattoo of the skyline), I felt like my time was up.  It’s a part of my personality where I tend to get bored and I start to feel complacent.  It affects my mood, and eventually starts to effect my life socially and professionally.  So as I contemplated about the next stage of my life, I could only ask myself, would I end up staying in this same area and grow my professional career in a city I’ve grown to love but essentially have outgrown, or do I make a change now.

There is also this other thing…

Over the past 3+years of owning a home, I’ve yet to feel like I was “home”.  Is this something I’ve done subconsciously to ensure that I don’t get too comfortable and keep myself constantly on the go? Who knows.  My home was OK though.  It was somewhere I slept and chilled out, but never really felt homey.  I don’t know if “homey” is even a feeling that I’ve ever really felt in my home.  My house first felt more like a home thanks to my old roommate who helped rid the extra bedroom of silence.  I mean, my house is pretty bland.  No colored paint on the walls, no pictures up anywhere that actually mean anything.  I didn’t do many projects to make the place look better.  It’s just a dwelling that I decided to buy because I thought that’s what you were supposed to do.

Not owning a home isn’t bad…

I’ve come to realize that my personality and buying a home, isn’t really a match made in heaven. For someone who tends to get a new car every 3 to 4 years,  switch jobs about that often as well (not companies, jobs).  I like to think that I’m an ambitious fellow, and that this type of ambition, shouldn’t be tied down. Or maybe I just don’t want to be in the same spot for too long, who knows?  And for the longest, living here in Charlotte, in my wonderful 2 bedroom, 2.5 bath townhome next to the nicest neighbors I’ve ever had in life, was a great experience. But I think that this experience was only for a season, because something was missing.  Maybe it’s the fact that I lived out in the surburbs of Charlotte, without a family, and that living closer to the city is probably what I really needed.  But I did live in the city right before moving to the suburbs, so maybe moving was a mistake, or maybe I just needed a change of pace at that time, and now I need a change of pace again.  Luckily, my company, that I LOVE to work for had an opportunity I could not let slide by me and I am ever grateful that I am able to start my next journey in life because of them.

Adulting is hard folks.  You never know if you’ve made the right decision for yourself until you go and do it.  Listen to your friends, take in their advice but you won’t know how to deal with life until that hurdle comes rushing towards you in that moment.  Then and only then will you realize what you have to do.

So yeah, while I have enjoyed owning a home, and having a place to call my own, I don’t think a traditional home is made for me.  Maybe a condo in a city built like a big community is what I need.  Maybe we’ll find out when I move to DC in two months.  Only time will tell, and I’m so ready for this next adventure. Maybe a little hesitant at first, but I’ll eventually get going at my own pace.