The word “No”

No

It has become apparent, that the definition of word “No” has, all of a sudden, been forgotten in the English language.

Let’s review:

1. not any.
ex: “there is no excuse”
2. used to indicate that something is quite the opposite of what is being specified.
ex: “it was no easy task persuading her”
3. hardly any.
ex: “you’ll be back in no time”
4. used to forbid or reject something.

ex: “No Smoking” signs.

That last one is very important.  Why? you say? Because there’s a population of people who don’t seem to understand that when this word is used, that it’s not being used for fun and that a decision is made about something and all conversation should cease at that moment.

No, is simply that.  “No”, and if you don’t like it, then tough cookies, because at that point, you begin to beg and begging is not sexy. If you come on to me, or ask me if I’m interested, and I say “No”, that should be respected and you shouldn’t try and convince me otherwise.  If you ask me for a piece of candy and I say “No”, don’t ask me again.  If you ask me anything and I say “No” as a response.  That it.

I hate repeating myself.  I should only have to say “No”, once.  You are not a dog.

But for some reason, humans (men specifically) seem to have this thing about obtaining things they can’t have.  So they continue to pry, and beg and whine (yes it starts to sound like whining after a while) until they finally get what they want or, in some cases, finally give up.

There’s an issue with this. Because if someone tells you no from the beginning, THAT is when you should give up and let it go.

I’m tired of saying “No” and being ignored. I’m tired of being asked “Why” after I tell someone “No”.  I’m tired of being asked “Why are you so mean?” after telling someone “No.  I’m tired of just being expected to give into YOUR wants. STOP IT.

So, if you notice that you’re starting to be ignored by me.  Just know that I’m finally over it.  And it’s most likely because I’ve told you “No”, but for some reason you’re still trying to avoid that reality that I’m denying you. This should be respected in all facets of life.

 

 

Sex is not sacred…

No…

Not “used to be”

Not “was”

Not “it depends”

The act of sex, itself, is not sacred.

The connections and emotions, and how you value the act of sex IS what’s sacred, but we’re not talking about that in particular, not today anyway.

What I want to talk about is why we should talk about sex more than we do currently. Especially in the black church community.  Please note that I’m speaking from a personal account, so my views may not match yours, but for the longest time, even as a college aged adult, I’ve felt weird about talking about sex.  I’m still not completely comfortable with it today; Even when talking with partners.  Up until some years back, it’s been something I just completely avoided.  And no, not because I’m gay, but because I thought that it was just something that was “sacred” and shouldn’t be discussed.  I mean, sure being gay probably had SOMEthing to do with it but you just lie and say it was with a girl and feel awkward for a bit.

In a sense, sex was just something that just, happened.  And lets get this clear, when I say talk about sex I don’t mean, “Beating that thang up”, or “Making her scream for daddy”, or  “I put it down” kind of talk.  What I mean is that I was never taught how to be comfortable with myself sexually. You know, figuring out what I liked, and how I liked it. Knowing my boundaries, and how to respect another persons body and boundaries.    Understanding what my partner wanted and making sure they were comfortable. You know, things like that.  The talk was just “don’t go out there and get anyone pregnant”.  Other than that, church taught me that sex should only happen between a married man and woman behind closed doors and if you had premarital sex then you are a terrible person and you’re going to Hell. (Most of my childhood I was scared to do most things because of my chances of going to Hell. Right now I couldn’t care less.  My “Hell Points” are probably over 9000 at this point.)

So, again; sex is not sacred.

Our intelligence has allowed us to evolve sex into thinking that it’s so.  And with my lack of knowledge about it, it took me years to even start becoming comfortable with it, in general.  Sex was supposed to involve Love. Feelings. Emotions! But no, sex is just sex; And there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with understanding that and there’s nothing wrong with feeling that way.  But all throughout my christian teenage life, I was taught that to have casual sex was like an ultimate sin, so talking about sex OUT LOUD, wasn’t even a thought in my head.   And then I grow up and was put in this environment where people are doing the nasty with multiple partners, and all I could think in my head is “you’re a hoe” or “you’re going to Hell” or “You need to be saved and delivered from all of this”.  Now I sit back and look at past me like, dude YOU were the crazy one who needed to be “delivered” and “saved”.

sex is not sacred

Not one bit. Sex is not only a natural occurrence, but an enjoyable one as well.  I’m the number one fan of getting it how you live.  If you want to sleep around, by all means do so.  As long as you’re responsible and all parties involved are just as responsible and know about it upfront so that there are most likely no issues.  Obviously, you do put up the risk of catching “feels” and that’s normal. We’re all adults and should act as so.  We should learn to be more open about our sexuality, and just be more open in terms of talking about sex in general.  I feel that there was this thought while I was growing up that if we didn’t talk about it, it wouldn’t happen or exist, but there are a lot of kids out there who don’t know anything, and won’t for a very long time until they grow older.  That was the life I was living for a long time.  I wish that I was more comfortable with my own body and sexuality at an earlier age.

Why?

Because sex is not sacred…