153 Reasons Why I Am Probably Undateable

First of all, please be very clear, this is not 153 reasons why I hate myself, or even 153 reasons why I 100% with a shadow of a doubt believe I am undateable. These are 153 reasons why, because of something someone else has said and done, I have been informed that I am undateable. Well maybe a few of them are things I think have kept me from convincing someone else of how awesome I am to the point that they want to spend a significant amount of their time with me. But who knows. I’ve actually quite enjoyed making this list over the last few days because it’s given me a chance to reflect on different aspects of myself and decide 1. Is it honestly something that would keep me from dating someone else and 2. If it something I want to change. And honestly. The answer to both of those questions is almost always no.

So, in no particular order, for your reading pleasure, 153 reasons why no one has wifed this, put a ring on it or chosen to shoot their shot and stick around for the championship game!

1. I’m not perfect. You will ask me to stop doing something. I will try my hardest and it will still happen. Not because I forgot it, wasn’t listening or didn’t care. I’m just not perfect and change takes time.

2. If we argue, I will cry. Especially if I’m mad, sad or hurt. You may not be able to tell the difference.

3. I have to wear my hair in three braids under a cap a night if I want it to look right in the morning.

4. I have this thing on my left big toe. Don’t know what it is. It’s been there my whole life. Sometimes I cut it with a fingernail clipper but it just grows back. It’s kind of like a wart but it’s not a wart.

5. Speaking of feet. I hate them. I won’t touch yours.

6. Still feet related. Mine aren’t perfect. There’s dry skin and sometimes rough heels. But I’ve been told they are pretty.

7. My nail polish is chipped 95% if the time

8. I smell like coconut. Only an issue if you don’t like the smell of coconuts

9. If we argue, I will talk to my friends, my mom, and my sister about the argument.

10. If we do something cute or fun I will talk to them too. They will know about you and us.

11. I still live with my parents.

12. I’m kind of bad with money. Terrible at saving it. Have never had to pay rent. Have worked since I was 17. Do not have a large savings.

13. I have a daughter. She’s awesome but probably won’t be easy for you to win over. When I talk about her I often refer to her as “my child.” Kind of self explanatory but may be a problem.

14. I’m not a Virgin.

15. I have been with 10 men. Accurate count at the time of this being posted. Can’t say if that’s true based on when you read this.

16. Sometimes when I sleep I do this weird hum thing.

17. Sometimes I snore.

18. Sometimes when I sleep I breathe heavy

19. My thighs are pretty much fused together. A thigh gap is non existent. I’m like a mermaid

20. I hate the gym

21. I’m not a neat freak. I don’t think I’m a slob but my mom would probably argue that (she is a neat freak)

22. I will plan our wedding within a few days of meeting you if I find you remotely interesting.

23. My already planned wedding has hints of Harry Potter in it.

24. I have a fairly intense fascination with Harry Potter. I have a tattoo. Several jewelry items, multiple shirts, wands, underwear, tights, a blanket, the books, some of the movies, purses, wallets and other stuff I’m probably forgetting

25. I’m not a big sports fan. I’m not even a little sports fan

26. I may be able to cook and grill better than you

27. I may be smarter than you

28. I may have more degrees then you

29. I have a tendency to remember random seemingly pointless bits of information and conversations and bring them up later. This is only an issue in arguments and typically then only when I’ve forgotten something important and you’ll use it to make your point about me being terrible.

30. I like the idea of Valentine’s Day

31. My birthday is close to Christmas.

32. I enjoy reading for pleasure. And reading nonsense that won’t teach me anything

33. I blog

34. I will write about you in my blog. Especially if it doesn’t work out or you make me really mad

35. I won’t send you nudes

36. My body is not perfect. My arms jiggle. My stomach is not flat. It’s the opposite. And it’s wrinkly. And hangs over if not constrained by some spanx like apparatus.

(I wish it looked that flawless!)

37. If I don’t wear some sort of spanx type apparatus when in dresses or skirts, my thighs chafe to the point of bruising

38. I bathe ALMOST every day. Sometimes I skip a Saturday.

39. My job can be stressful

40. I will listen intently and respond and you will think I’m counseling you

41. If I offer advice you will think I’m counseling you

42. If I stay silent you will think I’m counseling you

43. I’m bad at grammar

44. I don’t know when to use commas appropriately

45. I’m terrible at math

46. I don’t make my bed

47. I want more children. 4 total is the number that comes to mind when I consider it.

48. When I wash my hair, the amount of hair the comes off my head could provide coats for a large family of naked mole rats.

49. I’m a terrible dancer if not slightly intoxicated.

50. I will not randomly burst out in song and/or dance in public. I will appear uncomfortable in you do. I’ll probably start walking away just because it’s awkward to stand there while someone is dancing. But I couldn’t care less if you do it.

51. It will take me a while to feel comfortable enough to sing or dance around you

52. It will take me a while to feel fully safe and comfortable around you. Any amount of judgement on your part will seriously prolong the process.

53. I enjoy a good margarita, tequila shot, or glass of champagne.

54. My friends and I get together for margaritas and a movie on a semi regular basis.

55. My best friend and I plan to travel internationally once a year for the rest of our lives.

56. I pick my nose

57. Sometimes I get sick and would like to be taken care of

58. I like a good amount of cuddling but can’t sleep up under anyone.

59. If you snore I will contemplate all the ways I could kill you in your sleep sleep.

60. If I don’t already know you I will assume you are a serial killer or just trying to sleep with me until you prove otherwise.

61. I’m not the best driver

62. Sometimes I find myself seriously attracted to women

(I would seriously consider leaving you for Ruby Rose)

63. I am a LGBTQ Ali for sure

64. I’m pretty feminist

65. I’m learning more and more that I can be pro-Black and mixed

66. I still Love most white people

67. I cuss

68. I pray

69. I believe in Jesus

70. I don’t know if I fully believe in the Jesus that religion has presented to me

71. I question things, including people

72. Submission is in my vocabulary but not a easy word to follow

73. I will try really hard to fix things that you point out as being wrong with me to the point of becoming miserable with myself and you will be able to tell and get mad at me therefor perpetuating the cycle

74. I do a lot of introspection and sometimes that can be unhealthy

75. I don’t really know if I believe in karma

76. I eat pork and beef

77. Carbs are life

78. I can’t run

79. I don’t breathe when I talk so it always seems like I’m out of breath

80. I blink really hard to the point that people ask if I have turrets and I sometimes wonder if I do

81. I can’t answer the question “where are you from” with an actual place

82. If we do have kids I will have a difficult time adjusting to coparenting as I have not had to do that thus far

83. I can be petty. Feel free to ask what my most petty moment in life has been. It’s pretty intense.

84. I’ve had some pretty painful past relationships. Those experiences do influence the way I approach the dating world now. As do my good experiences with people. If you think that it is possible to approach dating with a clean slate each time, I would really appreciate if you taught me how to perform that magic trick. As this is not just a fact for dating but life in general.

85. I plan to start confronting people on their bullshit more. You may be the first.

86. Sometimes I like to be alone but I like to still be checked on.

87. I have what I think are pretty reasonable standards but have been informed might be in actuality way too high.

88. I expect you to respect me

89. I expect you to be faithful

90. I expect you to be considerate

91. I expect you to be kind

92. I expect you not to be a hoe

93. I expect you not to have me out here looking stupid

94. I expect you to keep your word

95. I expect you to take me out

96. I expect you to tell the truth

97. I expect you to be mindful of my feelings

98. I expect you to treat me like a woman

99. I expect you not to hit me

100. I expect you to be able to hold an adult conversation in person that does not include yelling or cussing at me

101. I expect you to obey the law

102. I expect you to drink responsible if you choose to do so

103. I expect you to try to understand me and not assume you know me

104. I expect you to mess up

105. I expect you to say sorry

106. I have never been in a fight and don’t plant to start now

107. I really like Cardi B. I tried to deny it but I can’t.

108. I have a love of really bad rap music

109. I don’t follow or understand most pop culture related things

110. I don’t get most black 90’s culture related things

111. I hate coffee

112. I hate hey stranger texts

113. I have tattoos. Some of them reference past relationships

114. I have a tattoo of a maple leaf that matches my sister’s tattoo. I got it on my first date with my ex

115. Sometimes I obsess over things

116. I enjoy trying new things but have serious anxiety surrounding being embarrassed and failing.

117. I struggle with change

118. I need pretty consistent attention

119. If Obama could eat dinner with his family most nights of the week when he was president. I expect that you can send a text message consistently and set aside some time weekly.

120. I’m fairly easily pleased

121. I like creativity

122. I like simple things

123. I’m an introvert

124. You have an idea in your head if who I am. I promise you that’s not me.

125. I won’t fight for you. Literally. I will not fight another person for you. And figuratively. If you choose to walk away I will not chase after you. I will fight like hell while you are here. But the second you choose to leave I will willingly and quietly let you go.

126. I’ve decided to stop begging people to want to spend time with me or be with me.

127. I have a couple really great male friends who aren’t going anywhere.

128. I will be suspicious of your female friends if they are single and you spend more time with them than me.

129. I have some trust issues.

130. I’m not aware of all of my issues and flaws.

131. I enjoy country music

132. I’m hairy. I have an ex who would jokingly make the Chewbacca sound to discuss how hairy I am. I’m not that bad. But a few years back I participated in no shave November and it changed my life. I shave my armpits if I’m going to have a tank top on and be raising my arms. I shave my legs for special occasions. And if your expecting a pre-pubescent vaginal area…well I will question your life choices.

133. I’m tall

134. I like to take hot baths and read. No you can’t join. First of all, if we both can fit in a standard size tub you are probably like 4ft even and 95 lbs.

135. I appreciate tall men. This is my one super vain hope in a partner. But even it is negotiable.

136. I’ve been told I am intimidating

137. I suffer from resting bitch face

138. I can have some pretty impressive PMS moments

139. Sometimes I engage in tit for tat

140. My sense of humor takes some adjusting to.

141. I can joke with a straight face.

142. Sometimes I feel like I’m laughing and obviously joking but apparently I’m not because people still think I’m serious or mad

143. I don’t like to argue

144. Sometimes I overshare on social media

145. My mind does not think in terms of song lyrics. I will never respond with drop top if you say raindrop.

146. I ask for too much

147. I don’t ask enough questions

148. I can’t sleep with the tv on

149. You will have a very small window of opportunity to convince me to come back after an argument or you walking away (see #125). If you choose not to use it because you want to teach me a lesson and then pop up several days later, then I have already been given several empowering pep talks by my friends, coworkers and mother. You will not get the response you want. You will probably be confused. I will probably only feel bad for a few moments. But I will remember that I am the shit and you shouldn’t have had to lose me to figure that out. The length of the window of opportunity is directly proportional to the number of fuckboys, narcissist or failed attempts at relationships I have encountered before you. The more of those you’re fighting against, the less time you have.

150. Sometimes my eyebrows are not on fleek. See # 132

151. I have a past. A life before you. It’s not perfect. It’s not the worst. But it’s mine and I won’t be made to feel bad about it.

152. I really enjoy going to the movies. It’s my happy place.

153. I have this thing where I like to walk with people on my right side if no one is on both sides of me. I will move to make this possible if need be. You will notice. It’s a balance thing and slightly related to my hatred of odd numbers.

If you made it this far…THANK YOU…you are my favorite type of person.

I think my plan is to just share the link to this post with anyone who shows interest in me and be like “here. Read this. Then let me know if you still want these problems.”

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If you’re going to shoot your shot…please actually shoot it!

Maybe I’m getting way too old for this shit.

Maybe my tolerance for bullshit has reached an all time low.

Maybe I hit 30 and just decided that life is too damn short to sit around waiting on some other person to decide I’m good enough.

I don’t know

What I do know is my attitude when it comes to potential relationships and someone not wanting me has gone from this

To this

(There was a Facebook video that had these two together but I couldn’t figure out how to get it here.)

There are two major reasons that this has taken place

First.

I have spent entirely too much time in my life upset that someone did not want me. Let’s say I’ve been interested in dating and relationships since I was about 12. That means I have spent 18 years…over half of my life…trying to figure out why “no one wants me.” This has legit been the dialogue I have been having in my head on a daily basis. Why does no one want me? Why am I so undateable? Why have I never been asked to a dance (I realized this one today as I took my daughter to buy an outfit for the dance and she talked about her and her friend going together. Shout out to best friends who go to dances with you when no one asks you to go with them!)? Why have I been asked on very few actual dates? Why do guys get mad when they ask for nudes and you say no and then they try to make you seem crazy? Why am I single? Why did I not forward that chain letter in 5th grade that clearly stated I would be single forever if I didn’t forward it? Why? Why? Why?

What’s wrong with me?

The truth is, this train wreck of a thought process had me in the shower looking just like this the other day:

But, even with this recent moment of frustration, I have realized something since then.

My bounce back ability has grown exponentially over the years. Back in the day I would spend days, if not weeks, miserable and sad because someone decided they didn’t want anything to do with me. Or I wasn’t worth it. Over these last 18 years that has changed.

That ugly shower sob lasted maybe 10 minutes. After a good night’s sleep, I’ve been pretty solid ever since. Do I still think about the situation? Yep. Have I wanted to blog about it and cuss all of the male population out? Yep. Have I considered just finding a girlfriend and telling men they lost their chance? Daily. But the miserable, constant dwelling on it, and blaming my self for it all has definitely not been as intense as it normally is. I’ve been proud of myself.

Y’all. Loving yourself is hard. Anyone who tells you different is a bold face liar.

Anywho. So yea. That’s reason number one why my attitude has changed. Growth, progress and channeling my inner Cardi B

Second, and the reason for the title of this random post.

I have zero time for people shooting half as shots then being salty later on when their shot didn’t make it in!!

So I know that’s kind of the exact opposite of my earlier negative self talk trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. Do guys attempt to talk to me? Occasionally. Do they try very hard? No. Do I usually respond when a guy does put in a moderate amount of effort? Yes. Do those guys usually end up being narcissistic ass holes ? Hell yes. Then do those other guys show up salty a few weeks later trying to tell me it’s my fault I keep getting hurt because I never gave them a chance but then again they don’t actually step up and shoot the damn shot?

I can’t count the number of times this happens. And by the same people over and over. Or by random people. Always me. And they tell me I’m still single because I’m too picky, or my standards are too high, or they hint and say “you never know. Maybe he’s right under your nose and you just keep over looking him.”

Anyways. Here’s my suggestion. If you are going to shoot your shot. SHOOT YOUR DAMN SHOT. I really wish I could make some really cool basketball references here but I can’t. But basically actually step up to the damn line, position your self accordingly and shoot the shot. Make it the best shot you have ever taken in your entire life.

And you know what. If you don’t make it, at least you know you gave it an actual try. And then you can tellme that I’m a terrible person, with standards that are too high, and a terribly misconstrued fairy tale idea of what love and life should be like. Then you can sit back and laugh the next time I’m heart broken and posting cryptic Facebook statuses about hating all people. But until then. Keep sitting on the bench and pouting. And leave me alone.

I don’t know how long this mindset will last. Next week I may be sad again. Or next month I may get swept away by another charming narcissist. Or this could very well be my new way of thinking for the next decade. We will all have to wait and see. But what I do know is I will continue to be way to old for this shit. And my tolerance for the bull shit will continue to be very very low.

And you will never have a chance if you don’t shoot your shot!

Application for Diversity

A month ago, my daughter introduced me to a new app as she routinely does. What typically happens is I notice her playing something incessantly and download it to see what it is. I then obsess over it for a few days until I reach some awful level that I can’t beat and I give up. This time, however, has been different.

Sandbox

Quite possibly the best time wasting app I have ever come across. I have yet to figure out how the name relates to the app. It’s a color by number app. That’s it. No levels. No time limits. Only constraint is you have to pay for access to more detailed pictures, which I promptly did to color in order to color this lotus flower.

It also does this awesome time lapse video after you fill it in.

So there are all sorts of pictures you can color. Flowers, cars, cartoons, people, cartoon people in cars holding flowers. Okay maybe not that one but anything is possible.

The other day, however, I noticed something when a picture popped up. I had been coloring in very detailed and beautiful pictures of white women. Pictures like this.

And this

And I just want to throw out this picture of a tiger in here, because it’s awesome

There were also some really cool cartoon white people as well

But after playing for almost a month this was the first person of color that I colored

Do you see the problem?

If you don’t. That’s another post for another time. But for those who already get it let’s proceed. If you don’t, you can still proceed and maybe you’ll catch up.

I really didn’t want to believe this person was black but as I filled her in and the complexion was completed and that awkward butt thing finished I had to acknowledge it. This was their first and only black woman or even person of color all month. Unless you count this guy

And I don’t.

This one came later, but I wasn’t sure if they were black or a seriously tanned version of Gene Simmons

Even these clearly non white characters just looked like white people in costume

This initially started me writing a post in my head about white privilege. White privilege is seeing yourself represented in apps automatically and not having to question why there are no people of color.

But then I decided to try something. I never review apps or leave comments. This time I did. I left a comment for sandbox pointing out the lack of diversity and how it would be nice to see more detailed pictures of people of color and men (white men included). Diversity is an amazing thing.

I honestly didn’t expect much. Maybe a response about how they were working on it. Or no response at all.

But y’all…the most beautiful thing happened.

Every morning I wake up to 5 or 6 new pictures to color. THE VERY NEXT MORNING this is what I saw.

DO Y’ALL SEE THAT?!? Not the astronaut or the gems or the watermelon or that angry knight in the corner. No. Right there. That beautiful, detailed, obviously BLACK woman!!!

I can not describe how full my heart was when I saw that. I immediately got to work coloring her in to see how gorgeous she was. With every shade of brown that I applied my heart grew bigger. I ran to my daughter and her friend and told them what had happened. What I had done.

Yep. I’m taking full responsibility for this one. Maybe they were already working on it. But that’s a huge coincidence. THE NEXT DAY!! I’ve had guys take longer to respond to a text message than it did for this app developer to respond to my suggestion.

And then I got to thinking. Why isn’t it always that easy. That’s all it took. Correcting the issue. They didn’t have to respond. They didn’t have to apologize. All they had to do was correct the issue. No questioning. No trying to convince me I was making things up. No defending why they hadn’t had a diverse selection of skin tones up until this point. No blaming. No finger pointing. No all coloring lives matter crap. Just correction of the problem. Why can’t it always be this easy?

Maybe one day the rest of the world will learn from the Sandbox app and quickly acknowledge and correct racism when it is pointed out. Until then I will keep admiring this beautiful lady I colored in and count this as one itty bitty teeny tiny step to equality.

Here she is!

Here’s her video

And just a few days later I got to color in this possible Cardi B image that I love too

(Or is that Miley?!?)

Ps. My daughter says that if you want some good entertainment read the other reviews to the app.

So This is 30!

I have officially entered the 30 club! Whoop whoop! I received about as close to a parade for my 30th birthday as possible. Thank you again to all my friends and family who showed up and showed out for little OLD me! As far as birthdays go it was pretty wonderful.

So now a time of reflection.

The last three decades have definitely been interesting. Living all over the world (or at least Europe) as a child, moving back to America as a pre-teen, middle school (ugh), high school, teen pregnancy, motherhood, college, grad school, first job, first counseling jobs, Love, heartbreak, Love again, heartbreak again, and ultimately self-love. Obviously a very condensed nutshell of my life so far.

Here are my hopes, dreams, prayers, demands, #goals for my 30’s:

Continued but unwavering self-love. I plan to love myself so much that the next time someone comes a long and it doesn’t work,or if no one comes a long at all, or if they do and it does work, that my love for myself does not waver or weaken or crumble. Honestly, this is a tough one.

More travel. Wether it’s around the world or up the street. I don’t care. Just do it. And take Taylor with.

Save money. This is an area I struggle with to the pits of my soul. But somethings gotta give.

One day make enough money to move out of my parents house but also still be able to afford to eat on a daily basis.

Do more things alone. I spent the last decade or so doing a lot of waiting for someone else to do things with. Autumns came and went where I didn’t go on awesome fall dates because there was no one to take me. Museums have been unvisited. Movies were left unseen. Restaurants were left untried. Because for some reason in my head, to do things alone was the ultimate form of sadness. My fellow bloggers write a lot about dating or dating experiments. Dating scares me. Maybe I will blog about my solo dates…hmmm.

Which leads me to,

Go on more dates. I honestly don’t know why the idea of going out with someone I don’t really know to well scares me but it does. Especially if this person was found on a dating app. People are crazy. I’m not trying to be no ones breaking news or lifetime movie. But, alas, it is the way the rest of the world works so it’s time to hop on board the dating train.

Find a workout/exercise/healthy living routine I actually enjoy. Kind of self explanatory really. Any suggestions?

Learn to knit things that aren’t rectangular. I knit a lot of scarves, blankets, things that look round but are really just rectangles sewn together. Gotta learn some advanced techniques.

Learn to leave people on “read.” This could probably be an entire blog post in itself and maybe one day it will be. But for now, just thinking of it as learning to walk away and not feel bad for doing so when relationships end or even just conversations.

So yea. I think that’s pretty much it. Pretty standard stuff really. Obviously the list has the ability to be adjusted and tweaked as needed. I feel like an official adult now! Not sure how I made it here but here I am. At the very least it should result in a few entertaining blog post!

What are/were your hopes, dreams, prayers, demands, #goals for your 30’s?

My Christmas Wishlist

The following is an incomplete list of things I would like for Christmas.  If I were to get any one of these, I would consider it a Holiday Miracle.

  1. My bills paid
  2. Lottery scratch offs
  3. Women to get respeck
  4. Men to stop acting like every little interaction with a woman is considered sexual assault
  5. Toys for my puppy
  6. Reese’s cups (the BIG ones)
  7. Donald Trump to stop being president
  8. Donald Trump’s Twitter account to be suspended permanently
  9. To lose weight, easily
  10. Shoes
  11. A new car; Without the car payment, obviously
  12. Endless supply of coffee
  13. Police to stop shooting black people
  14. Chick-fil-a to stop putting crack in their chicken
  15. Black people to realize their worth
  16. Walmart to stop being so terrible at everything
  17. Net Neutrality
  18. Healthy food to stop being so damn expensive
  19. Equal pay for all
  20. Equal rights for all
  21. Donald Trump to stop being president.
  22. AND A MAN WITH A LOT OF MONEEEEEEEYYYY

You Should Be Pressed

Every once in a while, well actually quite often, a phrase comes a long that gives me such a visceral reaction of disgust that I struggle to contain myself when I hear it. Phrases such as swag, bae and on fleek are on the list. The current culprit is:

“Im not pressed”

The context in which I have heard this phrase has always been in reference to relationships. I assume that what the person means is “I’m not in a rush to get in a relationship or have any form of intimate, genuine, authentic connection with people. I have options. You are one of many.” So forgive me if you utter these words and I adjust my interaction with you accordingly. We are clearly not looking for the same things.

I get it. Relationships are tough. Sometimes they suck. I almost daily contemplate becoming a nun, or just giving up on the human population period and wholly embracing my singleness forever and always, amen.

But call me crazy, for some reason I still have a little hope. Just the slightest bit of hope that someone will see me and say “damn, I need to get to know her.” And then they will get to know me and say “damn, I need her in my life on a consistent basis.” And then we will be consistent for a while and they will say “damn, I need to make sure that no one else gets the chance to experience this amazing creation of God that I have been blessed with.” Yep. Call me crazy but it would be kind of nice to find someone who is in fact “pressed.”

I do not like living, dating and trying to love, in a world where people are not pressed. Where no one feels a sense of urgency. Where no one sees the need to be with someone. Where no one sees the need for consistency, and respect, and the offering of time and intimacy because they aren’t pressed. Because everything and everyone is just another option and there may be someone better around the corner so I’m not going to be pressed about you or the next one or the next one. (I blame online dating)

I am well aware that I am not everyone’s cup of tea. Hell, I’m not most people’s cup of tea. Apparently I’m easy on the eyes but then slightly intolerable once you get to know me so there’s no need to be pressed. That’s okay. By all means take your unironed, unwrinkled, fluffy tail somewhere else. (Yes I did google antonyms for pressed) Find someone else who is also “not pressed” and y’all can engage in vague, undefined, inconsistent, random conversation for the rest of your unpressed lives.

Who knows, maybe I am the crazy one. Maybe somewhere along the line I developed a unrealistic definition of love and unhealthy expectations for what my love life would be like. Maybe my pressedness is what’s causing my singleness to thrive. Maybe I need to start practicing the art of the unpressed.

To end this rant, here is a unfinished list of all the things I am pressed about:

Love

Life

Finding a forever partner in crime

Turning 30 in 6 Days

Money

Buying Christmas presents that people will like

Whether or not my current job is the right fit

Why I’ve given up on weight loss and become content with that 20 lbs

What to wear for my last weekend in my 20’s celebration

Why I can’t figure out how to move out of my parents house

Whether or not I’m a good mother

Whether or not I’m just a terrible person who is incapable of healthy intimate relationships

Why I haven’t been able to find time to repurpose that dresser

If it snows this winter will I make it to work or will I get in another accident.

Love, I am pressed about love, giving it, finding it, wanting it, needing it, deserving it, fearing it, yearning for it, love. I am pressed about love and that’s ok.

(From the princess saves herself in this one by Amanda Lovelace)

What are you pressed about?

Y’all…

I had to block a number today…

Mind you, this was someone I met pre-Tinder Experiment, so I should have expected the crazy from the jump, but being the nice person that I am decided to just keep him around as a friend for the time being. Just in case. You know…

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Well today, that number has been blocked!

Why, you say?  Because apparently me not wanting to reimburse a 10 dollar movie ticket is an ultimate sin.

Ok I’m super exaggerating that.

In short, I agreed to go to the movies with someone, but decided that it was not a good idea to do so.  I’ll explain later. BUT, to be fair, I will say that I did agree to pay him back at first.  I was like fine, whatever. It’s ten dollars.  So I ask what’s his Venmo, Paypal, Cash app, etc. You know, so I could just shoot him over a few dollars, and forget about it.

This dude tells me he doesn’t have any of those apps and that I can send him a check.  Then proceeds to send me his mailing address.

Yall…

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Like seriously…

I can’t make this shit up…

So at that point I’ve made it up in my mind that he’s not getting this ten dollars. Sorry, not sorry (shoutouts to Demi). Also, it’s a movie you invited me to go to and I said sure,  why not.  I did not contact him about going, nor did I force him to buy the tickets.  He actually kept bothering me, asking me about it and I finally said yeah, because I do want to go see “The Last Jedi”, I really do. I know that I’d really enjoy it. So much so that I was going to go back on Saturday to see it again. To add, he specifically stated “I’ll buy the tickets since you got the last ones”.

Let me also add that NOT ONLY did I pay for the movies the last time because he showed up at the theater on RELEASE WEEKEND of Justice League without buying the tickets in advance; I had to buy them on my phone with MY money; AND we had to get a movie for a later time because the one we showed up for was sold out! BUT I ALSO bought THIS BUM’s brunch like a week earlier! Don’t you know Brunch ain’t cheap?!? AND YOU WANT TO BOTHER ME ABOUT A MOTHER F**KING $10 MOVIE TICKET?!?!?!?

Now again, me and this guy are pretty much just friends at this point and maybe I may have led him on, who knows. But I mentioned from the jump this wasn’t a cuffing season trial relationship. I wasn’t looking for anything. Not trying to get serious. Just. Friends. But I felt something brewing and just had to end it and be like “hey man, we can’t hang out like that anymore”. “I feel like there’s a show of feelings and it’s a little one sided (he was catching feels).”

Well, he called me arrogant for assuming that he was catching feelings. Told me that he’s been hanging around with multiple people, getting down and dirty with them and not only just me and etc. (which mind you, ain’t nothing even ever really happened between him and I like that) and I’m sitting here like…

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(Rainbow and all)

Then, since I told him I didn’t want to hang anymore, that’s when he wanted money back for the movie ticket. So that brings you back to the beginning of this post.

I told him to refund it. As long as the movie hasn’t played, you can get a full refund. Apparently he’s not going to do that so….whatever. I don’t know what else to tell him other than to let him be salty over a Large combo at McDonalds…Or two Cook Out Trays…Or a half tank of gas…Or whatever else that costs ten dollars now days.

Either way I didn’t realize I had to block someone over ten dollars.  Maybe I’ll be on Judge Joe Brown one day fighting this. lol

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(Petty to the 10th power)