Boring (A Poem)

No one knows how to be bored anymore

People are constantly looking for thrill and excitement

In the next adventure, the next drink, the next hit, the next person

No one wants to just…be

Especially if that means being bored

When I was little this was my favorite quote

“I’m bored”

And in true Dad fashion I would hear the response

“Hi bored. I’m James. “

My aunt once told me that I would never gain weight because I couldn’t stay still even when I was bored

I wish I could be that kind of bored again.

When I was younger my sister used to make up the most wonderful games to distract us from our boredom

Can’t touch the floor,

Barbie games that took longer to set up than to actually play,

Walking on clouds,

And her favorite

Mushed bananas. Where she convinced her bored little sister to smother her feet in lotion but some how we always ran out of time the moment the roles were to reverse.

I would quickly become un-bored the moment my mother reminded me there was always something that needed cleaning.

Boredom

No one knows how to be bored anymore

Constantly seeking the next great adventure

The next drink

The next hit

The next person

You bore me, swipe

You’re boring, swipe

Oh you don’t want to go out every weekend and get totally wasted

Boring

Swipe

No one knows how to have boring conversations that lead to tears and catharsis

Me and my friends recently spent hours that felt like seconds at a Mexican restaurant showering each other with love and praise

Lifting each other up

Allowing each other to be vulnerable

Allowing each other to…be

In these moments that passed too quickly I was not bored

My hope however is that the next time either of us feels boring

The next time either of us feel less than

The next time someone tells me I won’t find love sitting at home knitting and being boring

The next time one of us looks in the mirror and doesn’t see the fierce goddess that she truly is and just feels boring

The next time one of us considers that life might not be worth living due to loss, or feelings of less than

The next time one of us is bored

My hope is that we remember this night

That it brings a smile to our face

Tears to our eyes

Hope to our hearts

Joy to our soul

Life can be boring

But I…I am not bored

Why I Sometimes (Often) Don’t Answer My Phone

Anyone who knows me, knows that I use my phone for a lot of things, but using it for a phone call – that is much more difficult for me. And I am aware it pisses lots of people off. What’s funny, is that as a teen, I could not get enough of the phone… spent countless hours talking to friends and love interests. So much so, that my mom would take the cords to work so I could get housework and homework done. I pretty much died a little every time she did that. And by died a little, I mean threw a major tantrum and had a meltdown and/or bought spare cords from the dollar tree.

But now, not so much. And although, I’m entitled to use my phone how I wish, I’m going to give you a sneak peak into why I don’t always love phone conversations.

1) I’m often doing things. I live in a city that requires you to walk everywhere, haul your groceries and laundry up steep hills, be alert to oncoming traffic and rude people, and check your phone to see where you are going. It’s kind of hard to take a call when doing those things.

2) I am not good at multitasking and phone calls. I spend hours on the condiment aisle looking for ketchup when I’m on the phone, only to hang up and realize I’m on the cereal aisle.

3) I am often not sure when to end the call and if 75% of calls could be done in 15 min or less, I would be ok. But instead, I’m confused about when to end the call so I can go find the ketchup.

4) I have anxiety. This probably plays into #3 a bit, as I’m so anxious about how long it will last, what is wrong, if I’ll run out of things to say (especially with a new person I’ve never talked to). I’m just anxious about it all.

5) I’m often doing nothing. Not to be confused with I am bored with not a thing to do. I am restoring myself. I’m easily affected by others emotions and lives. This level of empathy is a gift, but also a curse (perhaps another blog). I’ve noticed that phone calls tend to be a place where people inadvertently like to drop a load of emotions. I love helping people, but I can’t be on like that all the time. I am protecting myself.

6) I just got off the phone with someone else. I need to recharge now. #IntrovertProblems

And the biggest one of all…

7) I’m not ok. This is a huge one. Probably happens more than I’d like. But if I’m not ok or struggling, the chances of me picking up the phone are slim to none. When I’m not ok, I’m not ok with others having to sit with that. I like myself much better as cheerful, supportive, and loving Lee. I am often uncomfortable when others support me. I feel like a burden. I don’t always know the “why’s” and so when people ask “why,” it makes me feel ashamed. I am also often exhausted and cannot carry a conversation. I don’t want to be the person who makes everything about her. I am snappy at times like this. I am usually not a snappy person, I hate being mean. So I withdraw.

I want you to know that often, I get on a call, and really enjoy myself. There are times I even actually seek people to talk to and sometimes, I’m wrong, and that call is EXACTLY what I need. Please don’t stop calling me either. I’ll feel left out. This is similar to that thing of “I want to be invited even if I don’t want to come.” It’s selfish, it’s an introvert problem. I know.

Please don’t take it personally if I don’t answer. Please don’t.

I promise. It’s just me.