Why do I feel like I’m about to throw up? The room is spinning, I can’t have a concentrated thought to last more than a minute and I think I’m becoming a big ball of emotions.
I saw it… The MLS listing for my home, and it may be the first real sign of “wow, this is actually happening”.
I’m on the verge of picking up everything and making the biggest change of my life that I don’t even know I’m ready for.
I know that when I wrote my other blog A First-Time Home Buyer’s Confession…, I mentioned that my house never really felt like a home. While that is still true, I can’t forget about all of the memories I’ve had there. Too many to go through, but I’ll share my first one.
I have this thing about when I move somewhere new, I go in, open the door, blast the Air Conditioner, turn on the fan (if there is one) and then lay down in the middle of the floor. Alternating between having my eyes closed, feeling the aura of the room, and then having them open, staring into the void of the ceiling fixture. I’ve always done this, ever since I’ve owned my first apartment back in 2009, but this time, it was different.
This was mine…
As I laid there, I thought about what I would do with my own space. How I would treat it. My first housewarming party for my first home. Where I was going to put all of the furniture. Buying all of the furniture to be put in there. My mind was just racing to have this opportunity given to me. No, it wasn’t given, it was earned. Then, my mind goes blank, and I just lay there. I just am. I feel the air from the AC and ceiling fan blow on me, and I’m just happy to call this new place my home. After all the time and effort spent on buying a home, I was relieved.
It was a culmination of hard work and an awesome bank that would basically give a loan to a dog as long as it had good credit and made enough money, lol. No, buying a home isn’t easy and you definitely have to be vetted and go through a long ass process before anything happens, BUT I survived. That was good enough for me to be proud and feel that I’ve beaten a negative statistic about people who look like me in society.
3 years ago, I moved into a place that I could call my own. Again, hindsight has let me know that right now this isn’t what I need in life, but back then it was a great feeling. I truly felt like an adult. Like, I did something amazing. To own a home at 27? Especially since I felt like I was sort of failing at adulting at that point in my life. Everything just started going well for me, and I feel like owning a home at that time in my life was a great decision. However, people and things change, but what won’t change is how grateful I am to have been in a position to buy a home (as little as it is) and also grateful that I have the opportunity to sell my first home to be a part of something better in my professional career.
I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again. Life is hard. It comes with good and bad, happy and sad, clear-mindedness and confusion/uncertainty, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
Now, I’m off to DC tomorrow to go apartment hunting…I hope I don’t cry.