I’ve been pondering on if I should post this. I wrote it about a month ago. I just felt like if I stopped talking about Dating, then I’d get over it. HA! This is a follow up to the blog post Dating is the worst….Kind of… (No this isn’t a solicitation to be hooked up with anyone. You know who you are! LOL) This will most likely be my last post like this about dating. Mostly because it’s a new year, and I’m trying to be a better me.
At the time that I wrote “Dating is the worst…Kind of…” I was just kind of in the middle of this in-and-out thing with someone and wasn’t really sure what things were between me and that person. It was a great time, and I had fun, but after a while I starting thinking “hey, this is a good thing!” (You already know where this is going). At the time I was “going with the flow”, like everyone always suggests. “If something is there then let it happen naturally” they say. Sure, but how long do you have to wait before something starts to “happen naturally”? At what certain point do you get tired of “going with the flow” after flowing for months and for some people, years? It should go without saying that when feelings start to be involved, then that’s where things need to be looked at closer. And someone is always going to catch feelings…
I guess that’s where I fucked up.
As a pretty emotional person, I tend to let my feels get the best of me at times (a lot of times). And that’s not necessarily a bad thing but I do end up in bad situations a lot due to it. In most cases, it’s when I feel like I need to throw caution to the wind due to being an over-thinker (Which is a terrible method and I’m trying to get back to my “fuck it all” ways; Even though I’ve officially embraced my “I got time” nature…I’m a little confused on things currently in this department).
I probably should have posted this sooner…
But I didn’t. I thought I was over it. And at the time I wrote this, I was still holding on for some dumb reason. We all know that not letting go only turns you into a angry, bitter, stalker. And for some time, I was that person. Angry at the fact that I let myself get into this position again. Bitter at the fact that they continued to live life as if I barely even existed, and stalker because social media just makes it so easy; So I’m hoping for this to be my ultimate “let go” moment of this situation.
Dating is such a difficult process. Without even realizing it, it’s something that can determine the trajectory of the rest of your life. Just think, all it takes is one day to meet your future spouse. One person, a stranger even, could be the one you end up spending the rest of your life with. Just one day. I recently started thinking this way, and it let me to date a little more critically. I used to date carelessly; Ok, lets be honest. I used to hook up and then decide if they were viable candidates to spend the rest of my life with (a terrible business model). It’s a trap I’ve been setting myself up for for YEARS and now I’m finally realizing it. In my aforementioned post, this was literally my example of how I dated, and why I thought it was the worst. But dating that way is cake compared to actually DATING someone. It was easy back then but now, you get too involved and your emotions are all fucked afterwards.
Ever since starting “The Tinder Experiment”, I’ve worked on changing my whole philosophy on dating because, to be frank; Just because the sex is good doesn’t mean that’s who I should be laying beside for the rest of my life.
So back then, dating was only the worst… “Kind of…” because I would feel like crap, but then pick myself back up by the bootstraps, download a hookup app and start searching for the next adventure and I would be fine. But in my current situation, where I’ve actually started investing time in getting to know people on a more intimate level, dating actually gets difficult. Yeah, sometimes things don’t work out, and that’s normal, but I’m talking about the times where you’re genuinely getting to know someone. You start getting to know them and enjoying time with that person and then it ends abruptly. And it just hurts like hell. Because instead of just looking for your next fuck, you feel drained, hopeless at times because you’ve showed so much of yourself to this person for nothing. It’s disheartening, and really damaging, honestly.
I blame the hook up apps…
But, actually, I blame myself. I blame myself for a lot of different reasons that are too lengthy to list here, but I do.
I haven’t seriously talked to many people since. Well, I did, but things fell off. I guess at this point it’s obvious that things fell off because of my previous experience. I’m slightly scared, sure. And it might sound like I’m complaining or whining, and maybe I am. It’s just a part of the process.
So again, no, I’m not looking for encouraging words, or for you to hook me up with anyone (Tina! lol). Reason being is because after going through so many dating situations, you start the think that you are the problem, and then you feel a little hopeless for a while, and then you don’t want to let anyone in, and you always think in your head that Karma is a bitch, and ultimately, you’re just tired. Because who’s ready to exert that much time and energy into someone again already? So to the guys I’ve talked to recently; I’m working on it, but…now you know.
So yeah, Dating is the worst…for now…