It’s Time to Chill TF Out: Signs that You Need a Break

I suspect that many women feel that they must take on the world and never set it down. That we can’t give up, must take care of everyone, be impeccably groomed, and the rock of literally everyone. As a Black woman, I feel this even more, because there is this extra burden that you’re taught, and is reinforced by others forever, that you must work twice as hard for the same thing. That if you complain without perfection, then your complaints are unworthy (and trust me, people will throw this in your face), that you must put on a brave face everyday, and be the epitome of Black Girl Magic. You work extra hard to be “passionate” without an attitude, (even when anger is warranted), code switching and checking yourself along the way and being “strong” like every matriarchal figure in your life has ever told you. You fight relentlessly. And you’re supposed to do this effortlessly and with grace.

And then when you find yourself like me today, going to the wrong airport because you’re exhausted from all of the above, recovering from flipping through your exes happy ass pictures with a beautiful woman not because you want him back, but because you’re wanting your happy, and feeling defeated wondering if your work really challenges the wrongs of the world and uplifts those who need it, feeling defeated from trying to help others see that, missing the empathy and caring from people that makes you whole and feeling weak for needing it, and you doubt your magic and queendom, and you want to curl in a ball crying.

But you can’t. You gotta push on. Or so you tell yourself. But maybe you don’t? Maybe it’s time to chill TF out. Maybe your magic needs to be replenished. And since no one else is going to say, “hey girl, maybe you should take a break, maybe, that’s what you need to do for you.”

And so with that, here are my top telltale signs that you need to chill the fuck out, written from my own experiences:

1) you’re forgetting things, small things but important things. Like your keys, the correct airport, passwords. Your brain is working on overload. It can’t keep up with your work plans, figures, and facts AND your keys when it is exhausted.

2) You are forgetting to eat or in my case, eating the least amount necessary to exist and not have low blood sugars. Because even though you love to cook, the energy to heat up a stove will lose to a pre cut salad kit (the best invention since sliced bread) or a bowl of granola every time.

3) Speaking of things you loved to do. You haven’t done them, cause yeah sleep. You’re too exhausted. Not to be confused with depression where you don’t want to do them, but simply feel overwhelmed by the amount of energy needed to complete the task of doing that thing you like. Plus, you can’t find the things to do it.

4) And you can’t find the things to do because cleaning your house is non existent because you’re out saving the world. And you come home and sleep so as to not deal with it and feel like a failure.

5) You are lacking empathy in your life, perceived or otherwise. You’re not giving it to yourself and it feels like others can’t give it to you either. You’re likely either spending too much time with people who can’t fill your love tank (strangers on buses and planes, associates – nice people like coworkers or staff at a favorite bar – but not your tribe), not engaging enough with your tribe, or trapped in a cycle of perfectionism that doesn’t exist (lacking self compassion). If you’re anything like me, that will empty your emotional bank account quickly.

6) You’re skipping mascara. Or moisturizer, or your brows done or glitter. Whatever  is that thing for you that makes you feel like yourself and is a musthave to feel ready, you’re not doing it. Because you probably slept an extra 5 min.

7) You’re having stress dreams. You are dreaming about work and trying to do the work, and conflicts at work; you’re dreaming about saving Wakanda (no lie I had this dream), you’re running for your life but you’re running in slow motion or keep falling (one of my favorites), you’re dreaming about missing flights… all signs of time to chill the fuck out.

8) You have no patience to hold others ‘ pain. Time to pump the breaks for sure. You are not the sole provider of hope and care to people you know (I’m looking at you, Self!!). It is insane to think you could be. Time to practice “no.” Here are some suggestions “no, nope, not at the time, hell no, fuck no, *chuckle and walk away*, ignore the call or text, not today, satan, I really wish I could, but I can’t, I really wish I could, but I don’t want to, that’s a naw for me, I’ll pass, good bye/good night.” Maybe I should do a post on saying no?

9) You want to cry in the middle of an airport. Or in the middle of any neutral place. You’re tired and deserve a sick day or 5.

10) You are wearing a too big, white wool coat because your coat that fits lost all its buttons because you kept meaning to replace or fix them or something like that, and now here we are, looking crazy as hell. This metaphor is easily transferable to *insert anything here you need to do but didn’t and now you regret it but you’re gonna live your life either way*

11) You haven’t said “yes” to yourself and what you want to do. Wanting to go on a date with that hot guy from OKC, but can’t fathom giving up your only night to sleep, clean, do laundry, wash your hair, call your mom, you bff, respond to personal emails, enjoy a cup of tea, and pretend you will sew your buttons? You’re doing too much if you have to fit 3 weeks of activities in 12 hours. Also, you’re going to hate your life.

12) You want to curse people out for peopling. You know like walking too slow, stopping in the middle of an aisle or walkway (I’m sorry by this is rude AF even when I’m recharged) and taking  in the sunshine, for talking about stupid things behind you, for having on a dumb hat, for breathing… you know peopling.

13) Cake starts sounding like a viable option for all meals. But then you eat it and you throw it away because all food tastes nasty to you. This is a new stress induced response I got after getting…

14) You get gastritis. Now it flairs up at any sign of trouble. Gastritis is a nice little friend that gives you significant pain if you eat, don’t eat, eat too much, too little, anything spicy or coffee. It’s like the little demon friend you never wanted.

15)You feel unhappy and unfulfilled. Yes, you’re busy, but you’re not happy or fulfilled. Your purpose may feel a little muddled. It’s time to chill the fuck out. Why? Because you need some time to reflect, so you can make the next right move. And then you need time to act on it. Because being tired is lot more tolerable when you’re doing what you love and are called to serve the universe.

So my dear beautiful Black women, I want you to know we deserve to chill the fuck out. And it’s soooo hard. I’m struggling right now. I know it can make us feel like we failed, that everyone is going to see how unworthy or what an imposter we are, that we will let down our families and communities, that we will be the wenches that history has written us as, or the nobodies that our traumas want us to believe. None of that is true. I write this on a train with tears welling up and heaviness in my chest. We gotta believe that being human doesn’t diminish our light, our worth, or our black girl magic. Instead we have to know when to say, enough is enough. And extend that magic to ourselves and chill the fuck out.

I Want to be With you Shooting in the Gym

Let’s get one thing out of the way, I can’t play basketball. So if you take that title seriously, you will be really disappointed when we actually go to the gym or basketball court and I suck. But I’ll go. We just won’t actually be playing. Anywho!

Let’s start here though. If someone, anyone, a fairy godmother or Jesus himself, had told me at any point in my life that I would one day be 30, single, and living with my parents I would have laughed hysterically in their face!! I don’t know anyone who grows up thinking yes, that’s the life I want. One of perpetual singleness and no one to share life’s highs and lows with. I feel like we are fed, from a very young age, wether it’s by Disney movies, our parents, friends, family, television, music, I don’t know, but the plan that is always handed out is, grow up, find a job, get a partner, get married, live happily ever after. Heck, even the old board game “Life” had a check point where you got married. You had to. There was no option to say “nah. I’ll pass. I’ll do this thing alone.” So clearly this was how things were supposed to go. At some point in time, somehow, somewhere, I was just supposed to be handed a husband and we would do this thing together.


And clearly I have done some things a little non traditional. I have a daughter. She’s amazing. I would not change the time that I had her for anything in the world. Even a husband. We are a package deal if anyone ever does show up. I may have made myself undateable by some men’s standards due to my education, my career, or my salary. Those men are clearly not for me. I don’t know. Whatever I’ve done to contribute to my perpetual singledom, I’ve done a tremendous job.

But still. I don’t think it’s just me. In my adventures into the land of dating I have come across this phenomenon at an alarming consistency. There are a group of people out there (my experience has only been with men but I imagine women are saying the same thing) that want to be 100% put together before they get into a serious committed relationship. They want to be settled in their career, financially stable, own a home and three cars, their own business and this whole list of other things, before they can consider adding a partner to that mix.

And here’s the thing. It makes sense, on paper. It looks good, in theory. But in reality not so much. It makes sense that you would need to be completely consumed by your work and career to get to that place and that a relationship may distract you. But the thing is. These people are still out there dating and running into unsuspecting women like me who want to do both. Who want to build this life but do it with someone. Not alone.

I am blessed in that my parents are still together. And today, they are pretty well off. Not wealthy by any means but the struggle is definitely over. My dad likes to leave his pay stubs laying around so that I “accidentally” see what he brings home every two weeks. Clearly I have chosen the wrong path in life! And my mom can channel her inner Ebenezer Scrooge and save some money pennies like a pro.

But it has not always been that way. They often tell me stories of supporting a family of 4 off of an $800 a month military salary. Buying a large pack of chicken and making it last a week. Eating out three times a year and one time going out with friends and ordering the cheapest thing they could find because they didn’t know how they were going to pay for it. My sister used to go with my dad to the car wash and go around picking up change off the ground so that she could get a piece of candy and he could get a drink at the gas station when they were done. The struggle was real people!!! But here’s the thing, as a young child during those days…you couldn’t tell me we weren’t living the good life! I was very much aware that the bouncy horse in my room came from the dumpster (which is part of the reason why I don’t understand all this hype about people being sad Toy-R-Us is closing. What is that place? It’s actually real?!?) I thought this was amazing. My toy box was a large moving box. But it was awesome because me and my sister could fit in it and have enough room to play with the toys. The struggle was real but life was good because we had each other. Now I know that’s a very glossed over version of the actual story but you get the point.

My parents relationship is by no means perfect. I have witnessed them fuss and fight and struggle first hand. But I’m truly convinced that it is in the struggle and the fight and working TOGETHER that builds the strength for a marriage, a relationship, a family to last.

So I fully get when drake said “You wasn’t with me shooting in the gym,” and when people reference this as a way to say don’t expect to live off my success if you weren’t there to help me build it. My question is, why are so many people afraid to even allow someone in the gym with them to shoot in the first place?

I think we create a very weird and fragile situation when we wait to be “perfect” or “good” before looking for a partner, because then at the slightest sign of trouble we are ready to let it all go because we don’t want them to mess up everything we’ve built. Because it’s all mine. Not there’s. Not ours. They didn’t help. They weren’t here in the beginning so I’m not going to allow them to benefit from or destroy the ending. And to me it just sounds lonely.

So again, here I sit, several months into the dreaded 30. It’s not been so bad. I got a new job. A pay raise. But I’m just seriously confused and frustrated by the fact that I am actually contemplating stepping out on my own, saving to a buy a home, having a solid career, being a decent woman with some pretty useful skills, and having all this love and support to give but no one wants it. I would not have believed anyone if they told me this 10 years, 5 years, even a year ago but alas here I am.

To all the men I’ve come across with this mentality, I hope it works out and I wish you the best. To the few people out there who may not have this mentality, if we cross paths, and it goes well and maybe it works out… let me in coach! I’m ready to play…but again… I suck at actual basketball so please be sure you fully understand this entire metaphor!

“Love, Simon” is me, as well as others…

Contains possible spoilers about ‘Love, Simon’…


I saw ‘Love, Simon‘ a few weeks ago at an advance screening here in Charlotte. I loved the movie.  Particularly, because just like Black Panther, it was something that I identified with and was able to see it in a major fashion, in a normal theater, around everyday people.  Not on Netflix, alone, buried in the depths of hell where you have to know a special cheat code in order to unlock it (OK, that was dramatic, but we all know there aren’t many mainstream movies about the LGBTQ life).

The movie, as great as it was because of the representation, did fall a little short on the “spectacular” meter overall, but that’s fine.  I didn’t need amazement, or some over-the-top fanticization (made up word) about being a closeted gay kid in high school who didn’t know how to be himself towards others. It was a truthful, heart-felt movie that resonated within the audience. Especially myself.

I can’t imagine how many times I’ve felt the same was a Simon, the movie’s title character, during high school and college.  Kind of wanting to be out there, but not really knowing how (only I covered it up for most of that time).  Simon, fortunately, was more comfortable with himself at this point of time in the movie than I was back in the day, but he just didn’t really know how to live his truth out. He more so just really didn’t understand why he actually NEEDED to come out.  Like, why is it a thing? Even in the movie there was this montage about his friends coming out to his parents as straight. I’ve felt this exact way multiple times, and until this past October when I wrote my post Happy National Coming Out Day, I never really felt the need to do so.

But looking back, I wish I had…

“Who you are to the world is pretty terrifying because what if the world doesn’t like you?”

“Who you are to the world is pretty terrifying because what if the world doesn’t like you?”  This is literally the single most best quote that sums up how I felt growing up.  High School was intense and you just wanted to be liked and not ridiculed.  It didn’t help that I was probably already a little weird to the “non-cool” kids and I just kind of sort of fit in.  I was so terrified to even explore who I was in that realm because, 1. I denied the hell out of it, and 2. I did that because I was scared of how I would be looked at. But you all already know that from my other posts, I won’t go into detail here.

Simon, kind of the lone wolf in his own mind, was able to explore a little part of himself once another kid from his school decided to anonymously post a message about being a closeted gay kid on the schools message board.  Simon decided to message him and open up to him anonymously as well about being just like him. Simon was finally able to be himself, and explore a feeling that’s he’s had for a long long time.  Over the course of the next few days they messaged each other back and forth and eventually became very fond of one another.  It was sweet, beautiful, even.

Since Simon’s admirer was anonymous, Simon had to live out his love stories within his imagination.  I can’t even count how many times I’ve thought that some guy who wasn’t remotely interested in me was, and it felt weird.  It was like these “unnatural” thoughts were going through my head and I just never really felt comfortable doing that.  This movie normalized that for me.  Straight people do it all the time, why can I?  “I’m done living in a world where I don’t get to be who I am. I deserve a great love story and I want someone to share it with.”

“I’m done living in a world where I don’t get to be who I am. I deserve a great love story and I want someone to share it with.”

And this is when I knew enough was enough.  Simon captured this sentiment so well and it truly resonated with me.  I was tired of hating myself for wanting to love who I wanted to love.  Was I any less deserving?

Obviously, the answer is No…

So at that time, I was tired of suffocating.  As Simon’s mom had said, “These last years, it’s almost like I can feel you holding your breath,” (I held my breath for sooooooo long) “You are still you”. As I’ve stated before so many times,  I’ve realized that I’m still the same person, gay or straight, and if anybody else didn’t realize it, then that was their fault.  When I told my mom, there was a clear sense of sadness(?) (for lack of a better word) but she also shared these same sentiments. And I knew at that time everything would be OK (I may have shed a tear or two at this point…I might be shedding one right now, lol).

“These last years, it’s almost like I can feel you holding your breath. You are still you, Simon”

One of the lower points in the movie, Simon is outed by this guy who was blackmailing him (I won’t go into details) and this caused a lot of loneliness for Simon, due to some fucked up shit he caused in the first place and this is something a lot of young gay men and women have to deal with.  Speaking from a personal standpoint, I’ve been outed plenty of times and I’ve also outed some people myself (which I’m super not proud of at all).  But another quote that stood out from the movie was “I’m supposed to be the one that decides when and how and who knows, and how I get to say it, that’s supposed to be my thing!”. And he’s right.  No one should take that away from anyone who wants to make that decision.  However, Simon stood his ground and regained control of his “coming out” story even though it was already made and at that point, he realized that he was no longer afraid.

“I’m supposed to be the one that decides when and how and who knows, and how I get to say it, that’s supposed to be my thing!”

So Simon gets to live his truth, and in the end is able to encourage his anonymous love interest to live his as well.  There were some rocky/inspiring/emotional parts in getting to this point, but I really didn’t want to give a review of the movie itself, but I just wanted to describe why I feel that this movie was important to me.  I hope it inspires a new generation to be who they are, and inspire others to accept people for who they are.  Regardless of race, religion, color, creed, and sexual orientation.

I highly suggest you go and see this movie.  You will enjoy it.  You will cry. You will smile. You will get angry.  You will lose all hope in humanity. You will gain it back. Your heart will be full.


Just “Regular” Black

Often, the first things people notice about me are my  face full of freckles (that seem to take over my body the older I get) and my greenish eyes. It’s particularly jarring an noticeable to people because I’m just “regular” Black. 100% Black, nothing else and 100% proud.

Growing up, people constantly asked me “what was I?” Or complimented me on how I looked like a “white woman” or at the very least mixed. As I got older, redbone was the compliment of choice by men, who were always fascinated by my “exoticism” and wanted to know if my mother or father was white. Family members also often told me that I looked mixed, if only my hair was a silkier (My hair is the give away. In its natural state, it is a beautiful kinky, jet black, ball of wool – nothing European about it.). And as I got into weaves and wigs, this was even further solidified. I grew up thinking being Black wasn’t good enough, that it was a good thing to be lighter skinned, asked “what are you?” and to be mistaken as only half negro. Although I didn’t necessarily see it as better to me, I realized that it was compliment in the world I grew up in. And so I allowed it to happen, smiling sheepishly as I responded (gross).

After constantly being asked this question though, I began to get annoyed, quickly. I became confused every time someone’s face fell when they learned I was just “regular” Black. As I learned more about paper bag tests, and doll experiments, and well, colorism in general, I grew angry. When I realized my fellow sister friends with beautiful skin were often disregarded, felt inferior, and men trashed them, I was disgusted. And when my own siblings told me about hatred for their  darker skin and wishing they had mine, I felt incredibly sad and heartbroken. And then I realized that in a very complicated world of color and race, in some ways, I have privilege. And in other ways, I’m very much the victim of racism. And that either way, I had to shift my thinking and what I allowed others to say or do around me.

And so began my bitchy remarks to those who questioned my ethnicity. “I’m Black mixed with Black,” I replied before it was a popular t-shirt. “Redbone isn’t a compliment to me, and I’m actually offended that you would insult my fellow sisters like that,”  I replied every single time a man would send me a message complimenting me on my light skin and how he prefers that.  I try my best to affirm others about their beauty and advocating when I can for others when I can. I intentionally use a rainbow of shades in my presentations. I remind people that being multiracial is wonderful, but simply being Black is wonderful too.  Most importantly for my own self, I will not accept any compliment that is about how exotic or “other” someone finds me.

I’ve also learned that my skin color comes with down sides too. Many people think I’m a “safer” type of Black, and are surprised and annoyed that I’m afrocentric and speak about racism often. Men expect me to be a little less opinionated. I’m “pretty for a Black girl” in some white spaces. I’m sometimes stereotyped as stuck up, not down, or self-centered. I work hard to disprove these things, but I try to not get caught up in that, because I know for every time those annoyances happen, a darker skinned woman is denied a job, a relationship (you don’t need him or her though honey, you too good for that), stereotyped,  “pretty for a dark skinned woman” or humiliated. I’m so sorry you go through that. I’m so sorry if I have ever been part of that problem. Please know that I stand by your side and am an ally today.

I cannot change the color of my skin or eyes. I love my freckles.  However, what I can do is claim my Blackness, never back down or allow slick shit  people say to slide, and be an active participant in dismantling colorism in our community.

So to answer your question,  I’m 100% Black queen goddess mixed with Black strength. That’s it. Just you know, “regular” Black.

146 Reasons Why You Should Most Definitely Date Me

Of course I had to do a counter-post to my previous list of 153 reasons why you probably shouldn’t date me. As I went through I realized a few of the items on the other list were redundant. But any-who, here you have 146 reasons why you should absolutely, positively, most definitely, without a doubt date me! I’m trying to tell y’all. I’m kind of awesome!

1. I’m not perfect. As a result I won’t expect you to be either. I will understand if you mess up (within reason. No cheating allowed) and as long as you show remorse and that you really are working on it. I’m cool with that.

2. I don’t really like to argue. Definitely not screaming yelling matches. But even minor disagreements. I know they will happen. But if they can happen without yelling, screaming and tire slashing…I’m all for that.

3. I have pretty awesome hair. Sometimes I wear it straight and feel super fierce and you can run your fingers through it. Most of the time I wear it curly and it’s big and beautiful and you’ll want to touch it. I’ll let you because you’re my boo.

4. People have said I have pretty feet. I keep them done regularly so if you have a thing for feet that’s good.

5. While I don’t do foot rubs, I will gladly offer up a good back or shoulder rub.

6. We can totally go get pedicures together. I would find that to be a really great date.

7. I don’t expect you to pay for me to get my nails done. I very rarely have fake nails but when I do, I can pay for them. If you wanted to, I would struggle to let you unless you insisted.

8. I smell like coconut!!! Legit. My hair products, my lotion, my body wash..all coconut. I’m like a walking tropical island with a pina colada.

9. I have a great support system outside of you. While I’ll definitely talk to you about my problems or concerns I don’t expect you to fix them. If you aren’t readily available I won’t have a meltdown.

10. I will gush about you to my friends and family. I will struggle not to tell them every simple, sweet, wonderful thing you do. If you are amazing, they will know.

11. I’m really close to my parents. I love them and they are my favorite, but they do want me to have a life outside of them and the house. They are permanent babysitters with zero concern about it if we go out.

12. I make a decent living. Not rich but my bills get paid on time. If your bae, I don’t mind treating you to a nice night. Together we would probably have a decent life as long as you make more than minimum wage.

13. I have a daughter. She tells me I’m a pretty good mom. I’m sure I could do better. If we had children I would be a pretty good mom to those kids too. I love babies.

14. I’m not a Virgin! I mean if you’re lookin for a Virgin this isn’t going to work but if you don’t care about that kind of things we might have decent sex.

15. I probably won’t judge you on your number count. I mean if it’s like 1000 I will question your mental stability and it probably won’t work out. But if it’s a pretty normal number I won’t care. That’s actually not a question I ever care about asking.

16. I like to sleep.

17. We can take naps together and I will consider this quality time spent together.

18. If you like thighs. I’ve got thighs for days.

19. I’ll understand if you aren’t a big fan of the gym.

20. I don’t expect you to be a perfectionist.

21. If you propose, our wedding planning may or may not be already completed as long as you like my style. But if you proposed because you love me you’ll probably like my style.

22. Why would you not want a wedding with hints of Harry Potter?

23. I love Harry Potter. This honestly gives you an endless supply of gift ideas for any occasion.

24. I will leave you alone while you watch sports if that’s what you want. Or I’ll grab a book and read next to you while you watch. Or if you want to try explaining it to me I will listen. I’ll also make you wings.

25. I make a pretty good hot wing among many other food and desert related items.

26. I’m not stupid. You should like that unless you just like dating stupid women. Whatever floats your boat there.

27. I have my masters degree. You can brag about that to your coworkers.

28. I pick up on little details in conversations and daily living. I like to do little things to show you I care even if you haven’t flat out said you like or need something. I’ll see it. (Sometimes)

29. I will get you Valentine’s gifts. We can definitely show each other that we love each other all year round, but we can also do fun things on Valentine’s too!

30. While I’m not a fan of combined birthday and Christmas presents I’m used to them. I’ll playfully give you a hard time about it but I won’t be mad.

31. I like reading. I won’t force you to If you don’t like too but if you do that’s great. Books are awesome.

32. I blog! That means you get a first hand look into what’s going on in my head without even having to ask!

33. I will write about you in my blog! Especially if it works out or you make me really happy!

34. I won’t send random nudes to random people. If you can appreciate this you are my kind of person.

35. I’ve got lots of curves, good for cuddling, hugging and napping on. Pick a thigh, butt cheek or fluffy tummy space and rest your weary head.

36. Sometimes I get dressed up and fancy and turn a few heads.

37. I have good hygiene. I don’t like smelling bad. I don’t wear perfume and no one tells me I stink so I think I just naturally smell good.

38. I’m very passionate about my job and enjoy what I do. I’ll have lots of entertaining stories for

39. I’m a good listener.

40. I don’t really offer a lot of advice because I assume people are naturally smart and know how to live their life better than I do. But if I do offer advice it will be well thought out and hopefully helpful.

41. I’m not a fan of the silent treatment. So I probably won’t do that if we argue. Some time to step away and calm down, sure, but not ignoring calls or texts. Let’s talk this out and get to the making up!

42. I’m not a grammar nazi

43. You can pick on my grammar. I don’t care

44. You can help me with math so you can feel smarter than me there

45. I won’t judge you if your bed isn’t made. Just change the sheets regularly.

46. I make pretty babies. I also had a pretty easy pregnancy the first go around so if the next time goes the same it should be pretty stress free for you.

47. I shed a lot in the shower but not anywhere else. So you won’t find random hairs all over the place.

48. When slightly intoxicated I don’t care what I look like when I dance. So you may find that entertaining. I also have random dance parties in the kitchen when I’m cooking. You can join.

49. Sometimes I sing to annoy my daughter. It’s usually old Mariah Carey songs. Or other 90’s R&B

50. Once I’m comfortable around you, and I start singing and dancing you will have an endless supply of entertainment.

51. Once I feel safe and comfortable around you, you may wish I no longer was but it’ll still be fun. That’s the point right. To find someone you can be 100% yourself around.

52. I will not get shitfaced in public. You will not have to drag me out of anywhere drunk.

53. When my friends and I go out for margaritas and movies, you should definitely go do something with your friends. See ya later babe!

54. I love to travel. We can start a travel bucket list and do all the things.

55. I won’t make fun of you for having boogers. Boogers are natural. I’ll get you a tissue

56. I will take care of you when you have the man-flu. I’m a nurterer to my core.

57. I’m a great little spoon.

58. I don’t mind wearing ear plugs if you snore.

59. I like to joke and flirt. Not so much like full on shit talk though.

60. I’ll willingly let you drive everywhere!

61. Women are hot but we won’t have a threesome (not sure if you’ll find that to be a plus or not)

62. I am super open and accepting of most things and people. Do you boo just don’t hurt or kill anyone.

63. Not going to lie. I appreciate traditional gender roles at times.

64. I love black people!

65. My mom is white and she’s the most awesome white woman you will ever meet.

66. I won’t cuss at you. Like cuss you out. I don’t appreciate it happening to me so I don’t do it.

67. I will pray for you. I already am.

68. God is good all the time and all the time God is good. I try to remember this and live life accordingly and engage with people accordingly. But I’m not perfect.

69. I will go to church with you.

70. I approach people with the idea that all people are inherently good. I will believe you are good and trustworthy unless you prove me wrong.

71. The idea of being in a committed relationship with a man at the head of that relationship most days gives me hope. I may be feisty and fiery but I will submit and follow if I believe in the direction we are going. I will be the best rib you have ever found.

72. I believe in work and putting in work to make a relationship work.

73. I think a lot and try to see if there are areas I need to work on without someone else pointing it out.

74. I am not a vengeful person. I’m not usually interested in revenge.

75. I am not a picky eater. My foods I don’t eat list includes canned asparagus and liver if it’s not cooked right. So you can pretty much take me anywhere and I’ll be happy.

76. If you pay for the food, I will not waste it

77. If something is chasing us it will probably get me first because I can’t run.

78. You can make fun of my heavy breathing. I don’t care.

79. You can make fun of my hard blinking. I don’t care.

80. Growing up in the military instilled a love for travel and culture and diversity.

81. I am excited to have more kids one day within a loving and committed relationship/Home

82. My pettiness is usually not directed at people I love.

83. I have tried to learn something from each relationship I have been in no matter how short or long it was.

84. I will be honest with you

85. I won’t expect you to be near me 24/7

86. I will hold you to standards. I will encourage and support you in whatever goals you have set for yourself (unless it’s goals like sleep with a thousand women).

87. I will respect you

88. I will be faithful

89. I will consider your feelings in almost everything I do.

90. I will be kind to you

91. I’m not a hoe

92. I won’t have you out here looking stupid

93. I will try my best to keep my word.

94. I will go out with you!! And sometimes I will pay too!

95. I will tell you the truth

96. I will be mindful of your feelings and not say things to be intentionally cruel.

97. I will treat you like a man

98. I won’t hit you

99. While I’m quiet I think I can hold a decent conversation about more than the weather. I’m kind of funny sometimes too. Unless really mad I don’t yell. I won’t cuss you out.

100. I obey the law. There is very little chance you will ever have to bail me out of jail.

101. I drink responsibly.

102. I will try with everything in my being to understand you and not assume I know you.

103. I will mess up. But what’s life without a few good stories to tell.

104. You won’t have to stop me from fighting in public.

105. My taste in music is super varied. Chances are I like whatever you like. If not I can be easily convinced.

106. I won’t judge you for liking “bad” music.

107. You can teach me all the cool kid things. I won’t be good at it but it’ll give you a good laugh.

108. If your black, you can teach me all the cool black people stuff.

109. I won’t judge you if you like coffee.

110. I won’t send you hey stranger texts. Actually, if it doesn’t work out, you don’t have to worry about me contacting you. I will pretty much disappear and I will definitely leave you alone.

111. I think tattoos are cool.

112. I will listen to all your tattoo stories with extreme interest.

113. I will understand if sometimes you obsess over things. Even if I don’t understand the thing.

114. We can try new things together. Food, activities, outings. Whatever. New is fun. Or you can teach me new things. That’s fun too.

115. I understand that people change. Growth is good.

116. I will pay attention to you. I text back super fast. If I don’t I’m either working or asleep. But usually I text back super fast.

117. I’m usually not super busy so we can do things as long as I have some advance notice to plan.

118. Im easily pleased. I don’t need lots of fancy things.

119. We can do creative things together. Painting classes. Painting pottery. I’m crafty! Need something created, I’m your girl!

120. Sometimes I might surprise you.

121. If you choose to leave by way of cheating and finding someone else before you leave me. I probably won’t flip out. I will be sad and hurt. I won’t key your car or try to kill you. I won’t show up and fight the girl. I will willingly concede and walk away.

122. I’m not a nag (well not much).

123. My guy friends are awesome. You might like them.

124. I’m not the jealous type as long as things don’t feel suspicious and you are honest. Communication and openness goes a long way.

125. I will understand if past relationships have you wary about ours. We can work on that together.

126. There’s still a lot of me to learn and discover!

127. I won’t judge you if you like things that aren’t the norm or technically cool by other people’s standards.

128. I’m tall!

129. Self care is important to me so I will totally encourage you to have your own self care routines.

130. I have a theory about short men after years of research with tall men. So I’m not opposed at all.

131. Guys don’t talk to me in public for the most part because I’m apparently intimidating. So you don’t have to worry about that if I go out without you.

132. They really don’t talk to me if I have my resting bitch face on. So I can always just do that.

133. My period is super predictable. Give me peanut m&m’s the week before and I’ll love you forever.

134. I appreciate constructive feedback at times.

135. I like to joke

136. I appreciate sarcasm.

137. I will laugh at you and with you.

138. My social media posts are entertaining.

139. I don’t think I ask for too much.

140. I won’t nag you with questions.

141. I like watching tv. We can binge watch things together.

142. I give lots of chances

143. I will not judge your past life. Unless you were a serial killer or rapist.

144. We can go to the movies and I will be super happy!

145. I have had one guy open a car door for me in order for me to get out of the car. That’s awkward. Don’t do that. Unless you want. You can open doors though. I won’t judge you if you don’t. I appreciate chivalry and common male niceness

146. I have a passport. We can travel the world together!

Pet Peeves (Issa Rant)

This is a non-comprehensive list of the things that literally piss me off on a daily basis.  If you are my friend and are guilty of any of these, I am judging you internally.  HARD. 

People who walk up to you when you’re clearly listening to music with headphones on and start talking.


People who have no sense of awareness of other people when shopping in a grocery store. (Move bitch, Get out da way!)


People who don’t have their payment method ready before the cashier tells them their total.

Drivers that come to a complete stop to merge onto highway traffic and don’t understand the “Zipper Method”. (Pull all the way up!)


People already on the highway who merge into the far right lane, when there are cars merging into the highway from the on-ramp.

People who block the intersections knowing good and damn well they weren’t going to make that light in the first place.

Slow drivers in the left lane on the highway

Asking “Can you make this public?” on Facebook


People who travel through my neighborhood to cut through traffic.

These same people who get mad at me for walking my dog in the middle of the road.


“Mines”, not to be confused with “Mine’s”

“Minus Well”

“Mine as well” not to be confused with “Mine, as well”

“Mind as well”


GoFundMe pages for birthdays, financial assistance, or just any general reason that makes no sense.

People who don’t read or listen to comprehend things and end up asking questions that have been answered already.

MLM schemes such as “You Should Be Here”.

Misspelled words in regularly circulated memes.


Vague Facebook statuses. 

The people who ask “what happened” on aforementioned vague Facebook statuses. 


Internet Explorer


I think I’m over white men…

I’ve been known to only talk to white guys. Not because I only like white guys, but for some reason my attraction just always flowed that way…. But…

I think it’s happened y’all…

It’s happened. My attraction to the Caucasian race has subsided.

It feels like it happened overnight…


Well, let’s start from the beginning…

So my preference in men has never really been that picky. It’s mostly been just genuinely nice, good looking, (mostly white) guys who are about the culture. And what I mean by that is that they are for black people. They know that black lives matter. They understand their privilege. They aren’t there to satisfy some freaky fetish. They are truly into us.

And some people probably think that I’d never talk to a black man. I mean…before this recent stint, I’ve talked to 0 black men seriously and maybe messed around with not even enough to count on my right hand.

I had a type… obviously. So what changed?

I don’t really know to be honest. On Tinder or Bumble, I’ll come across a profile and think to myself, “hmm, another attractive white guy…who’s probably not attracted to me”. Yes, this has been my actual thoughts, because it’s kind of my actual life. I’ve noticed that most of the white men I’ve swiped right on, do not swipe right on me. And I can’t help but wonder why. It’s not like I only post one picture of myself and don’t include any information about myself in my profile. I make decent money and my Instagram is damn interesting!

Like yo, I’m a catch!

I can’t help but feel that most of the white gay population is not here for me, or anyone like me. Unless I had washboard abs with a chiseled chest and sculpted arms. Oh, THEN AND ONLY THEN will my brown skin get me that right swipe. Funny thing is that the same white man that will swipe right on the muscled body black man, would probably swipe right on the average white guy with the dad bod and nothing going for his life.

Why do I feel like I have to have a higher standard to get your right swipe? Is this a thing? 🙄

I’ve become numb to it. Numb to being ignored and swiped by.

Again, I’ve dated white men who were down and showed nothing but love for black skin and they’ve proved it to me extensively. I appreciate them for it. They are there greatest guys. Those are the type of white men I want to date, yes, but those are so few and far in-between and sometimes you just don’t have a romantic connection. It’s not enough to match with 1 out of thirty white men, especially when you’re surrounded by them constantly.

There is a sea of white people that come across my tinder every day, and I would swipe right on a lot, but when I looked at my matches, I only saw beautiful black faces. There’s nothing wrong with this, but when you think about it, it does hurt a little.

At that moment, I had an epiphany; Why am I wasting my time and emotions and expectations on men who want nothing to do with me? Obviously most want nothing to do with me, so why am I mad? I really don’t know, to be honest. But to the ones who are down for me and my people. I love yall. I love my white guys who love my brown skin. I appreciate you and I understand that not all are like this and the ones that are, are jackasses. It just sucks when you feel like you’ve been written off and not dateable because you’re black. Don’t let the ignorance fool you, it’s a real thing.

And no, I’m not upset anymore because I’m not matching with my white Prince Charming. Despite popular belief, I’m pretty sure Prince Charming could be white, black, latino, asian, whatever. I’ve learned to get over it a long time ago and I couldn’t care less if I found him and now when I find him, I won’t be surprised if he shows up with some ethnicity. It just sucks that you aren’t able to connect with someone you are attracted to and you want to get to know them on a deeper level but can’t, because of your skin color.